I married my friend’s ex-girlfriend

When and how did you meet?
Ernest: I met Abie in November, 2015. I used to part time at White Eagle Project, Nyendo Masaka where she was a social worker in an orphanage. She was my friend’s girlfriend and later I learnt that they had broken up and I befriended her.
Abisaji: I met Ernest at work and he was always smiling at me. We became friends.

When did you eventually become so close?
Ernest: We were friends but I was not confident since we were not so close. However, she opened up to me about her past relationship and I did the same. I picked interest in her in 2016 and I asked Esther, my sister to tell her because they are close, she is Born Again and principled. My sister advised me to make up my mind and express my feelings to Abie.
Abisaji: I knew Ernest was interested in me but I wanted him to first open up. In November 2016, his sister asked me to accompany her to her brother’s house. When we got there she requested him to speak his mind and he complied. I asked him to give me time to think about it. Meanwhile, we used to go for lunch and coffee.

How did you propose?
Ernest: One week in March 2018, I cut off communication to prepare my proposal. I never took her phone calls or replied to her messages.
I called her to Pine Rige where I was with a Nigerian friend who wanted to meet her. When she came, we started playing treasure hunting with her and other friends.
At the end of the game, I gave her an apple where I had placed an engagement ring. She took the apple and on the third bite, she discovered a ring.

Abisaji, what did it feel like?
I took few minutes and thought about the whole week of anger, I slapped him for having made me angry for a week. The next day, I could not believe it because it was something that came unexpectedly. I was very happy and I thanked him by giving him a huge hug.

What attracted you to each other?
Ernest : We are both Born Again Christians. She is genuine, open, and not materialistic. Abie is loving, intelligent, hardworking and above all beautiful.
Abisaji: Ernest was always there whenever I needed him, he is respectful, trustworthy, and loving.

What was your budget and how did you raise funds?
Ernest: Initially, we had no cash but we had faith and started saving. Our budget was Shs35 million and 75 per cent was raised by our friends at The River of Life Church in Nyendo- Masaka.

What was the most expensive item?
Ernest: Food cost Shs10m by Kwewaayo Catering services.
Abisaji: The cake cost shs3m baked by Deln K Snacks Kitovu, Masaka.

Did you involve a wedding planner?
Ernest: No, our friend Josephine Nassiwa and my mother, Suzan Wanjala, invested a lot to make our wedding day colourful.

What were you doing on the eve of your wedding ?
Ernest: Our wedding eve was our kwanjula, I was at Kamugumbwa village in Masaka.
Abisaji: The kwanjula was a surprise because I was worried about finances and my father promised to do everything for me. I only paid for my clothes and salon. May God bless him more.

What was your colour theme?
Ernest: Red and purple. Red is my favourite colour and purple is the favourite colour of Pastor David Duncan Kibaya and his wife who raised me.
Abisaji: Red, maroon, white, gold and blue.
Red is my favourite colour, white and red are neutral and they were just added.

Where did you shop for your attire?
Ernest: My suit was tailored by MK Enterprises in Masaka town at Shs 800,000 then I bought my shoes and shirts from Nabukeera Plaza.
I bought the rings at Shs500,000 from Mulangira Jewellers on Nakaseero Complex.
Abisaji: I got my gown from Martha and J in Masaka town at Shs1.5m. I got my shoes and bridesmaids’ attire from LK Fashions at Nabugabo in Kampala.

Did you go for premarital counselling?
Ernest: Yes, we had nine sessions by different pastors at River of Life church including Pastor David and Suzan Nyongesa, Pastor Julius Kintu and his wife Martha, Pastor Martin Sserunjogi and his wife Prossy. Then, deacon Stephen Kazibwe and his wife Neoline and deacon Fred Sasiira and his wife.
We learnt how to handle conflicts in the family, financial management, how to groom children, understanding and listening to each other, supporting each other, and our marital roles.
Abisaji: Pastor Paul Nabitiri, Pastor Chris Mugona and his wife taught us many things including parenting as well as conflict, management in marriage and this was my area of interest because I was learning to start living with a person I have not grown up with. I also learnt that keeping quiet does not solve a conflict especially when you are married because your partner will do the same and you end up fuelling the conflict.

What was the most exciting moment on your wedding?
Ernest: Seeing Abie being walked to the altar. I was eager to see what she had worn and how different she looked, I would say, she nailed it and looked so elegant.
Abisaji: When we were exchanging vows, I felt so special hearing him say, …’In sickness and in health..”

Were you disappointed in anyway during the wedding?
Ernest: Yes, one of my friend opened champagne which was meant for popping as we cut cake. I think she did not know why we bought it.
Abisaji: The driver who was supposed to pick me up from home to the salon at 5.30am came at 7am.

Did you think of going for honeymoon as vital?
Ernest: Yes, we needed to relax.

Where did you go?
Ernest: Hotel Lanova in Masaka town as well as Resort Beach Entebbe. I enjoyed swimming and staying in a different environment with good people.
Abisaji: It was my first time to visit Ssesse Islands in Kalangala District. I enjoyed seeing nature but I fear water and I do not know how to swim.

Who comprised your entourage?
Ernest: The best man is my good friend Tom Lubega. I have known him since 2002, his lifestyle, we are age mates, and have the same physique. The groomsmen were Gerald Sserunjogi, my childhood friend, Daniel Muwanguzi and Amir who are my friends and OBs. Then, my young brother was the page boy.
Abisaji: My matron was Sarah Kurabako, a close friend. And for the maids, two of them are my siblings, including Rina Tumuhaire and Rhona Natukunda as well as Esther Kyomuhangi who is a family friend. Then the flower girl is my niece Shirlo Mukisa.

Did you have any debts after the wedding?
Ernest : Yes, Shs1m but we managed to settle it using the money we received from the guests.

What is your advice to those planning to wed?
Ernest: It does not need someone to collect billions of money to wed, you need to take a step of faith and know what you want.
And also having valuable and beneficial friends is very important, however, you should not over expect from them because you may end up being disappointed.
Lastly, be yourself, know who you are and also do things within your means.
Abisaji: Pray because there are many challenges when someone says they are getting married. Also, be trustworthy and plan together. You have to stand together in everything because many people will come to you and start challenging you with lots of criticism that you can not make it, you are going to fail, among others, but believe in yourselves.
Lastly, do not expect much from other people because someone will pledge but not fulfil.