Mountains of fire, streams of living water
Brethren,
I am always on the lookout for churches with strange names. At the moment, I think we have so many named something to do with ‘Mountains of fire’ that we are in danger of making the whole of Christendom sound like a forbidding range of active volcanic mountains.
But even so, there are enough ‘Living water’ churches to put out the flames, so there’s no need to fear.
Here are a few names to keep you entertained.
1. House of Living Wood Restoration Church
This is a real church, spotted somewhere near where I work. I was most impressed by the reference to living wood, because we have more than enough deadwood around, don’t we? Besides which, logging was recently outlawed in this country, so if you are getting any kind of wood it better be living and breathing, lest the authorities storm the place and charge the leaders with illegal logging. I wonder if the building is made of still-living bamboo, hmmm.
2. The Upper Room Ministries
The Upper Room is the place where our Lord Jesus and his disciples had the Last Supper. I wonder, do the members of this church gather 13 at a time, to represent Our Lord and His disciples? Who plays the role of Judas Iscariot, as he slinks off to do his dastardly deed? Do they, perchance, minister to those in lower rooms? Such a mystery!
3. The Ten Plagues of Egypt Deliverance Sanctuary
Okay, let me confess, I haven’t come across a church with this name. But going by the naming trends I’ve seen, I’m right on track with this one. First of all, the name is too long to fit on one line of a signboard. Secondly, it commands attention. You can just imagine people stopping to ask themselves “The ten plagues of Egypt? Are they back? I must enter and find out!”
Thirdly, it is not a mere ‘church’. It is a whole sanctuary. I’ve noticed that modern-day churches have gone beyond being plain old churches. They are now tabernacles, worship centres, temples or something else. But ‘church’? That’s for amateurs!
Happy Sunday brethren.
