‘From the start, he made me feel safe’

Nickson Baryahabwe, a staff sergeant in the Uganda Peoples’ Defence Forces and Justine Mwesigye wedded at Nkongooro Parish, Nyabihoko Sub-county, Ntungamo District on December 29, 2023 after 16 years of cohabiting.

Their story started at Bombo Barracks in Kampala where Nickson worked as a clerk in the office of the late Maj Enock Ahimbisibwe, the chief of personnel and administration at the barracks then.

 Justine, a sister in-law to the late Ahimbisibwe had come to undertake a nursing course at the barracks in January, 2006. Since Nickson was close to Maj Ahimbisibwe, he would always meet Justine at his (Ahimbisibwe’s) home where she stayed. It is from here they started forming a bond.

 “As a clerk, Nickson transferred my applications and documents to different offices as I enrolled for the nursing course,” Justine recalls adding that in the process they discovered they hailed from the same district, Ntungamo.

 It did not take long before Nickson fell in love with Justine. He says marriage was the furthest thought on his mind when they met but after observing how beautiful and calm she was, he asked for her hand in marriage.

 “I was in my 20s, old enough to marry and my eyes could not resist her. She carried herself with such grace and discipline, especially when in public. I particularly loved her complexion and height,” Nickson says.

 Being new in a place, Justine needed company and after observing him for a while, she knew Nickson would be the right person. She says at some point she had started feeling unsafe since a number of officers constantly asked who she was, and for her hand in marriage. She was so scared of making the wrong decision, especially since HIV/Aids was very rampant then.

“I needed someone to act as my guard. I found comfort whenever I interacted with Nickson, making us close friends,” Justine shares with a smile.

 “When he asked me to start living with him, a few months after meeting, I was a bit hesitant. I would go to school and come back to his place, prepare food, eat and go to my brother-in-law’s home where I stayed until December, 2006 when I moved in with Nickson. This was three months after testing and knowing our HIV status,” Justine shares.

Life begins

Justine and Nickson did not live together most of the days due to Nickson’s occupation. This started in 2007 when Nickson travelled to Somalia for his first mission. Justine says while he was away, she had no one to rely on since her in-laws were not as welcoming. Because of this, she was forced to develop a ‘thick skin.’ 

 “My first years of marriage were the hardest. He loved me so much but I was scared of his parents and other relatives who did not want him to marry me. Being an orphan, my mother had taken care of us single handedly with the little money she earned from casual work. My in-laws did not like the fact that I came from such a poor family,” Justine narrates emotionally.

 Justine was even more stressed when rumours spread that Nickson had left her yet he was away on a mission. This scared her; thus, she asked him to make their relationship official. In 2010 they held their introduction ceremony in Ntungamo District, a function they organised without any financial help from family and friends. Justine commends Nickson for encouraging her to ignore the naysayers, staying true to her and loving her unconditionally.   

Looking back

Justine says their marriage has thrived on regular communication whenever Nickson is away from home as well as hard work, which has enabled them take care of their four children.

“Even during life threatening missions, he calls or texts to know how we are and fills us in on how he is and what is going on. These calls always provide relief. To give him a peace of mind while away,  I do my best to take care of the family needs using proceeds from my businesses,” says Justine.

Being herself

Justine is happy that she is now friends with her in-laws after years of opposing her. She attributes this to her humble character.

 “Even when my in-laws never wanted me, I kept loving them. They now love me so much. I did not revenge. I kept doing what I was supposed to do and with time, they warmed up to me,” says Justine.

 “Family members ought to be on good terms since it is this way that we all receive blessings from each other. I advise wives to never retaliate; love and respect your in-laws and with time, they will see that you are a good person who deserves to be part of their family,” she adds.

 Justine applauds Nickson for being a faithful and caring husband. She says although they started their journey with nothing, they have accomplished most of their goals together.

“He met many other women and had every chance to leave me and get someone else. But he chose not to and love me instead. I must say it also helps to start from scratch with your man and together build something worth admiring. We have accomplished so much together and are in this for the long haul,” Justine shares.

Parting shot

Justine advises married women and those looking for partners not to focus on material things when choosing a partner.

‘‘It is not common nowadays to get married to someone who is poor. They want a suitor with a good house and everything already in place, forgetting that for a couple to achieve all these things, they must work together. If you find them already in place, just know someone else worked hard to make that dream a reality,’’ shesays.

She observes that a man will value their woman more if they contribute to the wellbeing of the family.

‘‘Women should also learn to support their husbands financially. For example, whenever Nickson is away, he is comfortable because he knows I am able to look after our children,’’ she adds.