Part One: Scammed into Hiking Rwenzori Mountains

Thus, together with this Baby Auntie of mine, we settled for public means, perhaps an even better way to twist up things. 

Baby Auntie confirms that a bus to Fort Portal leaves every hour. I suspect that Baby Auntie organized this journey on pure vibes. It was very demure, very mindful, cutesy. It’s the kind of journey that would make a Gen.Z and Gen Alpha whizz in admiration. 

Time check, it was 8:45am and I was still at home, she was at Namirembe ready for the 9am bus. Yours truly was choosing to be very mindful and trusting the Universe to align things. I jump into the shower. 

After all, I don’t stay in Najjera where a shower these days should take two hours. I don’t know if people over there still kiss each other’s ears. But they deserve their fate. I knew one day they would get punished for their sins. 

At 9am, I was ready to leave home. But again, no panic. Mind you Baby Auntie has bought tickets for the 9am bus. She’s surely panicking. I am choosing to trust the power of Ugandan time. And indeed, I arrive just on time, 9:30am. And the bus leaves 15 minutes later. 

This was the sign I needed that it was going to be a great journey. Baby Auntie goes on Booking.com to get us accommodation. We spot the right hotel, some Oak something with Silver. 

See I hate to mention that name. We make a call to them and confirm our booking. They call back and we reassure them that we are about to arrive. Just as we enter Fort Portal, they call back to confirm that someone has taken our room. The audacity! I am shocked, this cannot be Tooro culture. We decide to stop complaining and go into solution mode. And land on a new place, Kalitunsi. 

Now let’s pause for a moment. Because it’s here that the adventure starts.

We had a dinner booking at Aramaga but we hadn’t been warned that the hardest thing to find is inter-Fort Portal transport. Like the whole Fort Portal seems to be targeting foreign tourists. Every price is being quoted in dollars. We can’t do bodabodas, we would arrive at Aramaga as though we are some Najjera freshers. 

We spot a beaten car and say, who’s the driver? Let’s take that. We meet the most interesting fellow, yes, Andy. He’s got range. He’s got stories. He’s many things, he’s done many things. A few kilometers from Aramaga, this ka bluebird of a car breaks down. Baby Auntie abandons me, she jumps on a bike. Mbu to catch the sunset and enjoy the swing. Kale this ka-girl. 

Anyway, Andy points me to a nearby spot, we get that Waragi as we wait. Apparently, there is regular and then one that’s super knocking. I steal a few sips. I remember I am on zero alcohol these days. But rules can be broken on such moments.

Finally, a rescue car shows up, by this time it’s dark. But that doesn’t stop my Aramaga explorations. Then it’s dinner and then back to Kalitunsi. Okay, you see people Andy is a whole concept. He breeds dangerous dogs. He’s great at Artificial Intelligence. I ask him why he’s not designed an app for some kind of uber in Fort Portal. 

Wake up next day, and people, there’s no bus to Kasese. We are meant to get to Kasese and start the hike. We jump into a taxi. Here, it’s four people per seat. But worry not, traffic never looks into these taxis. The trick is for the conductor to run ahead and speak in Among. We arrive in Kasese and gwe, it’s another 25 kilometres on a bodaboda to Nyakalengija where the hike starts. Now the hike story is painful. I meet these Makerere College students returning from Mahoma. They mock me. “Are you chaps returning today? It’s a long way to go!” These bu-teenagers. No wonder I didn’t join their ka-school in A-level. It’s painful to do a route you’ve done before only to find it a little harder than last time. I have become unfit. 

Baby Auntie keeps asking how many hours to Mahoma. Our great guide Boaz keeps talking about 4 hours. We arrive at Nyabitaba. Yes, I slept here on the first day in Rwenzori. I am tempted to call it quits. But then what will they say? 

Those Ya Levis girls, like you jump from Najjera to a Ya Levis show. It doesn’t add up. I remember all the people that would mock me, and I gain energy to proceed to Mahoma. I ask, is this Mountain Mahoma? Mbu it has no name. I henceforth name it Mountain Ortega.

 We now have a whole mountain in Rwenzori, Mountain Ortega, the one that leads to Lake Mahoma. That ka tall Arua boy must be hating. But what shall I do for West Nilers? Chaps that just joined the National Grid? 

I don’t know if this story will be continued…