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Avoid conflict when saving as a couple
What you need to know:
- Financial concerns are among the most common sources of disagreement for couples, sometimes throwing questions about joint savings out of the window. Yet, saving as a couple could help you hit some milestones in development together. With clear management goals through, couples can learn to save together in a healthier, more satisfying way.
David and his wife Juliet had agreed to start saving money for their one-year-old child’s school fees in 2014. Although Juliet was a stay-at-home mother, David had no problem allowing her access to the couple’s savings account.
Unfortunately, Juliet started withdrawing money from the savings account without David’s knowledge.
In January last year, when their child was ready to start school, David visited the bank to check how far their savings had grown, but was shocked at the news of an almost empty account.
On inquiring why yet the bank had a standing order to deduct part of his salary every month for the savings account, he was told he had been withdrawing the money.
Juliet confirmed she was the one responsible for their depleted account but had nothing tangible to show for her expenditure. This put a strain on their marriage and soon they grew apart and separated.
Management plan
Money is a source of stress in most relationships and it can be a catalyst for divorce/separation such as in the case of David and Juliet. But how a couple manages their finances can sometimes be a big determinant in whether a couple stays together or not. Handling the conflicts depends on how you agreed to manage the money as a couple.
Ruth Hayden, author of For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples says, “Couples have to create an organisational system that makes sense to both of them. If it makes sense to one but not the other, it won’t work.”
Sam and Sophie Gombya have been married for 13 years. They have grown together as a couple and have started pooling resources together for development.
The couple says saving and working together has helped them bond and trust each more. From the onset of the project, the couple agreed to be transparent about how much each one earns and how much they will be contributing to the savings.
“I know how much he spends and vice versa. We also put our plans out on the table. This allows us a chance to budget for our money,” Sophie reveals.
Be open
Phillip Kihumuro, a relationships counsellor, says once two consenting adults choose to share their lives, they cease to be individuals and instead live as one.
“Pooling funds together is important because it grows trust and helps in accountability of how resources are being utilised. It reduces the pressure on one individual, especially the man, on issues of family provisions and developmental projects such as housing, among other income generating activities,” he notes.
Kihumuro explains that the best way to save as a couple is to be open and talk about it. “A couple can agree to open a joint bank account and deposit money there without accessing it (standing orders) or through sitting at the end of every month and putting the agreed percentage on the table and deciding on what to use it for,” he says.
The counsellor says both parties must be clear on what to consider as a fair contribution according to how much one earns. He also advises on reviewing any agreements in case anything changes because it can help on planning better.
There is no specific period when couples can start saving jointly. As Kihumuro says, couples can start when they are both comfortable to share and openly talk about finances.
Attitude matters
Kihumuro says how a couple manages finances will depend on their individual attitudes towards money. Before you get started, he advises that you try to understand each other’s approach and attitude towards money as it will help find areas where to agree and disagree hence spotting potential problems before they occur.
He stresses the need to know what exactly is happening with the money as a couple. This calls for regular and open discussions about the finances with your partner so as to stay involved with household finances, manage the money responsibly and deal with any issues together.
“A mutual understanding means a couple knowing what they can and cannot afford and in case something happened, one of them would have an idea of their financial affairs,” he notes, adding, “Allowing one partner to control all the joint finances is a recipe for disaster.”
There is need to be clear from the very start about what you expect, as Kihumuro explains: “Try setting a spending limit, so that anything above that amount will need a joint decision. Be open about how much independence you will both have so as to know where you both stand to avoid disagreements.”
But Kihumuro also recommends financial or pooling resource for couples who are legally joined according to the laws of the country because then, each party has legal rights over the resources.
“I greatly discourage pooling resources amongst girlfriends and boyfriends since these are not yet fully committed according to the law.”
Questions to ask
Why save jointly?
First, get a few things out in the open: what you make; what you have saved; what you own, what you owe, and what financial goals you share for instance a desire to buy a house. When this is done, calculate and agree on how much each one has to contribute towards achieving the desired goals.
How many accounts do we want?
Some people would rather have separate accounts and pool into one independent one, while others want a joint account for everything. Couples must decide what they want to avoid conflict later.
How much should we each pay?
It is rare for a couple to make identical salaries. One partner usually earns more, but does that mean he or she should contribute more? One option is to split the joint savings and expenses 50-50, and keep whatever is left from your respective salaries as your own spending money. Or, you might pay for things proportionately.
