Here is why you may want to consider scheduling sex

In today’s fast-paced world, where schedules are packed and priorities constantly shift, couples often find themselves grappling with the question; should we schedule sex? This seemingly straightforward question opens up a Pandora’s Box of debates, opinions, seeking to explore the complexities of intimacy in modern relationships.

Emily Kato, a psychologist specialising in relationship dynamics, emphasises the importance of communication and mutual understanding. She believes scheduling sex can be a practical solution for couples with busy lifestyles.

“It fosters anticipation and ensures that physical connection remains a priority,” she says.

However, Michael Ssali, a marriage counsellor, warns against the potential pitfalls of regimented intimacy.

“While scheduling sex may seem pragmatic, it runs the risk of turning lovemaking into a mechanical task,” Ssali cautions, adding that intimacy thrives on spontaneity and passion. Therefore, relying too heavily on schedules can drain the spontaneity from a relationship, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection.

According to theconversation.com, although spontaneity might signal passion to some, valuing spontaneity can have its drawbacks. Although desire for sex can be intense in new relationships and sex might feel like it regularly occurs without planning, sexual desire (and the frequency of sex) often declines over time.

Long-term couples who wait for both partners to have spontaneous sex might rarely engage in sex. Planning might be essential for sex to occur amid the other demands on their time, even if scheduling a sexual encounter is seen as less sexy.

Open dialogue

In the middle of these divergent opinions, one thing remains clear; the significance of open dialogue between partners. Sarah and John, a couple married for 10 years, share their personal journey.

“At first, we were hesitant to schedule intimacy,” Sarah admits. “But as our careers became increasingly demanding, we realised the necessity of prioritising our connection.” John echoes her sentiment, emphasising the positive impact of clear communication.

“Scheduling sex forced us to confront any underlying issues and prioritise our relationship,” he reflects. “It is not always easy, but it has strengthened our bond in unexpected ways.” John adds.

The question of whether to schedule sex is deeply personal and varies from couple to couple. Kato remarks: “There is no one-size-fits-all answer. What works for one couple may not work for another.” The key lies in maintaining open communication, fostering mutual respect and remaining attuned to each other’s needs and desires.

Relationships require a delicate balance of spontaneity and structure. Whether couples choose to embrace scheduled sex or opt for a more spontaneous approach, the journey towards deeper connection and fulfillment ultimately lies in the shared experiences, conversations, and compromises that define their unique bond.

Passionate perceptions

One reason couples may value spontaneity is because they link it to more authentic passion and desire, akin to the early stages of a relationship. If this is you, remember that even in the early stages of a relationship, sex was probably more planned than you perceived it to be.

“Just think of how much planning went into creating romantic or fun dates, preparing for sex ahead of time with personal grooming or appealing undergarments, and making efforts to turn toward each other in those early days of your relationship, “theconversation.com states

On the other hand, planned sex may evoke anti-erotic associations of responsibility, duty and obligation.

According to a research by theconversation.com, seeing the value of planned sex might help couples maintain sexual satisfaction by being intentional about sex. This is especially important to remember when romantic partners go through periods where spontaneity is a challenge, such as busy periods at work and the birth of a new child.

Being intentional

Tom Kandinda, a technician, advises couples who are struggling with their sexual connection to be more intentional about their sexual relationship.

“Just as another activities, prepare for sex in advance,” he says, adding that most of the important things we do in our lives are planned ahead of time. For example, recall your last vacation. Chances are, the trip was something that you planned ahead of time and in the end it was enjoyable.

Takeaway

According to theconversation.com, planning sex does not mean it has to be penciled in on a schedule or sent out as a calendar invite. It can simply be about communicating with your partner so you can learn when the mood is right, such as after sharing emotional intimacy or during less stressful periods at work.

With many people still working from home or remotely, this may be as simple as shifting your work hours so you can enjoy an afternoon together as a couple. In some cases, you or your partner may be more interested in having sex in the morning or afternoon versus at night when you are ready for sleep.

For most couples, sex is a way to maintain and strengthen their connection. And over time in relationships, just like date nights or weekend getaways, it is something that might require planning. The good news is that planned sex is just as likely to be satisfying as a spur-of-the-moment encounter.

Study

A study by theconversation.com found that planned sex was linked to lower sexual satisfaction overall, but this was not the case for those who more strongly believed that planned sex was satisfying (and interestingly, about one in five mentioned their last sexual encounter was planned).

 Interestingly, many said spontaneity added to their sexual excitement, passion, meaning and desire. But many also said planning could create anticipation and desire for sex.

And although some people mentioned that planned sex could add an element of pressure, spontaneity was also not always the recipe for desired sex.

Some people said when sex was unplanned, they may not have enough time to set aside mental distractions or ensure privacy.

Tips

Add sex to your calendars: Pick a time when you both have energy. Treat these sessions as seriously as you would a work meeting or a close friend’s birthday party.

Set the scene: With sex planned, you have time to prepare. That morning, make the bed, clean up clutter and a few hours later, send them sexy texts to build anticipation.

Be flexible: If a scheduling conflict comes up, do not sweat it. Connect in ways that feel good for both of you, whether it is discussing fantasies, showering together or giving each other massages.

Experiment: Remember that scheduling sex will be a work in progress. Commit to trying the approach for at least three months. Over time, you can change the method in a way that works for both of you.