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I am in love with my brother’s ex
What you need to know:
I do not want to hurt my brother nor do I want to leave my woman
I fell in love with my brother’s wife while they were still married. However, even though she took care of me then, I never professed my love to her. Recently, my brother cheated on her and they separated. Although she is 12 years older than me, she has promised to be with me for the rest of her life no matter what happens and she is desperately waiting for us to start a family. I do not want to hurt my brother nor do I want to leave my woman. How do I handle this situation?
Anonymous.
Dear anonymous,
This sounds like a tricky situation for you. It is true that love is a human need and everyone needs it. However, there is a need to separate true love from infatuation. You mentioned that this is your brother’s ex. Ask yourself the following questions and be true to yourself before you go ahead.
Are you ready to risk the relationship between you and your brother? Suppose we consider that you do not mind spoiling your relationship with your brother, there are many people in your family who have known the relationship between your brother and his wife and this will take time to be repaired.
You need to take time and listen to your heart. It is possible that you are looking for a mother figure in your brother’s ex for the reason you gave above. Since you still want to keep a good relationship with your brother, take time to think about your decision. This will help you reorganise yourself and differentiate between lust and love.
I would like you to know that even if the two of you choose to go ahead with your plans, the foundation is not firm. Strong relationships start with strong foundations. Are you able to discuss this affair with your brother? If your conviction is to hide, then think twice about the decision before you make a move. Be only fair to yourself and take in what you are able to sustain.
Purpose to have less interaction with your brother’s ex and eventually cut the meetings out to lessen the emotional attachment. Sometimes, time can tell if the decision you are making is worth it.
If you try all the above and still find yourself in the same love maze, visit a relationship coach or counsellor to take you through relationship skills that will empower you to make an informed decision.
Evelyn C Kharono Lufafa counselling psychologist Sermo Therapy Consult 0750074412
You are not truthful
Abraham Mwamula. You already hurt your brother by falling in love with his wife. If you did not profess, then when did she know that you loved her? It is obvious that both of you are not being truthful.
You can live without her
Phibiola Eve. Your brother is your blood. You can go ahead and distance yourself from him and marry her but how will the community look at you? Fine, maybe all you care about is your happiness which is also good but hey the day you will realise that she is just using you for revenge , when you no longer have any family member by your side and after ruining your name, that devil whispering to you to marry her will be the same one to mock you. You were born and raised without her and you can live without her.
She is using you
Gilbert Payago. Separation does not mean they no longer love each other. You both are but hyenas. She wants to hurt your brother yet you want to ruin your future and die young as you will be carrying shame for the rest of your life for having betrayed your brother’s marriage. Get your own wife and settle with her.
Get your own woman
Nampa Patience Natie. Why do you have to go in for your brother’s wife? There are lots of women out there for you. What happens when the two of them get back together? Consider her as a no go area. Go out, spread your wings.
Think about family
Pius Musaazi Kaggayi. Do not be the beginning of divisions in your family. They are many good women waiting for the right man to marry, search for those. You and anyone planning on such a thing will regret for the rest of their lives.
Culture forbids this
Oneka Kenneth Poseidon. In my culture, this brings shame to the whole family. You cannot date a woman your brother had a relationship with or even date someone else in the same family. Secondly know that you are betraying your brother, your family, and values.
Cut communication
Catherine Assimwe. She just wants revenge on your brother. Cut any communication with her since blood is thicker than water.
Discuss with parents
Caesar Asiimwe. A Runyankole proverb states: “ekyeiha embwa nkuru ahakikomi tekitekaho kibwana,” which means that what chases an old dog from a fire place cannot allow a puppy to settle near. Before you blame your brother, condemn your intention. Besides, for a healthy relationship, discuss it with your parents and seek their blessing.
You get one brother
Geoffery Kilama. You can never get another brother but you find your own woman to fall in love with. You will only get one brother in life so why go out of your way to hurt his feelings? Maybe you need to rethink this.
