My parents are against our relationship

I am a 22-year-old university finalist. During my Senior Six vacation four years ago, I fell in love with a girl who is now in Senior Six. My parents and her parents are aware of our relationship. She had agreed to marry me after her Senior Six exams but my parents want me to marry an educated and working woman. I do not want to end our relationship. How can I save our love?

Morgan

Dear Morgan,

I can imagine how troubling this can be, especially the thought of losing a relationship you have treasured so much. Right from childhood, we have an inbuilt good feeling when our parents approve the choices we want to take in life and these can include who our friends are, career choices and most importantly, our dream partners. When someone is in love, sometimes the euphoria that comes with it may also affect how we make certain decisions, especially when it comes to relationships. However, this may not be the case for all relationships.

Your parents’ suggestion seems to indicate that the girl you want to marry needs to at least complete school. In case your girlfriend’s age tallies with her class then she could be still a teenager but in case she is above 18, you can still encourage her to go for either a course which she can manage or even continue to a higher level like yours.

Remember true love can wait and if you and your girlfriend truly love each other, then waiting a little longer for her to complete school will not hurt. Just in case your girlfriend did not have such plans of going back to school, then this is a good time to bring up the subject in a way that does not indicate that your parents are against her as a person but instead, wish the best for her.

Be open to her either accepting or even objecting to your suggestion. This will enable you give her time to make a decision for the good of your relationship. You can also get a mentor or a professional counsellor to speak to both of you and help you to make informed decisions.

Try not to use emotional blackmail towards your parents. Time usually heals most situations. You can as well channel your energy into self-development as you also allow your partner to think through it.

Time might help your parents become more comfortable with your partner and see her as you do. Look for and encourage such opportunities. Invite them out to dinner or to a religious service or sporting event.

Talk to your parents about their concerns. It is possible they merely need more information about your relationship before they feel comfortable with it. So, sit down with them and talk about why they do not approve.

Listen to their concerns and see if there is anything you can do to address them. Their feelings would not change overnight, but can be managed if they knew more about the relationship’s background.

It is not fair for you or anyone to be in a position where they would have to choose between their loved one and family but, with authority comes responsibility.

Remember, it is your duty to see things through as a child of the people who practically sacrificed their whole lives just for you and as a partner of someone who is trusting their life and future in your hands.

Reader advice

True love waits

Favour Sharon. My dear, do not be short-sighted. What you feel now might seem like love but I guarantee you it will not be the same next year. Have you thought of how you are going to support her? Relax, true love waits and remains pure no matter what stands in its way. Explain to your girlfriend; if she loves you, she will wait. I do not see the reason for rushing. Life is exciting when both of you money have and are ready to settle down and take care of each other. You will not eat love.

This is not love

Aqsome Mukiibi. Uganda’s youth are a time bomb and we should blame the government for doing nothing to give us a sense of direction. Imagine a finalist who does not care about education and is dating a Senior Six student who still has a chance to study and become whoever she wants to be.  I think a law should be passed that no one should date without a permanent job and should have demonstrated financial strength by, for instance, owning a house or paying rent for a year without defaulting. Morgan, it is not love but lust disorganising your thoughts.

Make your decisions

Justine Hanz. They are your parents but sometimes, they should have a limit to what choices they can make for you, especially when it comes to choosing a partner. If you are serious, please marry her because disappointment hurts.

You are too young

Sandra Frances. At 22 years of age you are worried about who to marry? First look for work and live an independent life as she also finalises with her studies. Then you will help her join university since your parents want an educated woman. Help her become a better person and this way, you will also be proud of the person you finally marry.

First build a career

Geofrey Brian Acika. Morgan, get this very clearly. You should not be thinking of marriage at 22. There are so many important things to chase after other than marriage. Your career and future are more important. You can still marry her and your parents will gladly support it if you are patient and let her complete her studies first. What if you change in future, what will her fate be? Think twice and be patient.

First let her study

Phoebe Miriam. I do not see why you are in a hurry. You are just 22 and the girl is in her Senior Four. Just let her complete her education and graduate as you work and build your future. You can always marry her after she has graduated.

Talk to your parents

Jonnah Tusasirwe. So, your parents want an independent woman that will buy for them sugar? Please wait and marry her after she completes her studies because how will she manage marriage when she is still in school? Continue pleading with your parents, show them why she is the one and with time, they will come around.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation psychologist