She cheated on me and did not say a thing until I asked

I need your help. I am going through a difficult time, I have been with my girlfriend for five years but recently, I started suspecting that our five-month-old baby boy is not mine. When I asked her about it, she told me there was a time we had a misunderstanding and she had unprotected sex with another man. I do not remember such a time, making it hard to believe what she told me. What puzzles me though is the fact that she has never told me about this and has only come out to confess after getting evidence that the child is not mine. I love her but right now, I cannot trust her any more. What should I do? Thomas

Given the fact that four out of 10 marriages face one partner’s infidelity, it is something worth talking about. When one partner is unfaithful, it can cause intense feelings of pain and betrayal, which in turn can really shake the foundation of a marriage or relationship. Infidelity is one of the most challenging relationship problems couples will ever address. However, when both partners are fully committed to the healing process, relationships can survive, and sometimes, the journey might actually result in deeper emotional intimacy and a stronger relationship.

Dealing with being cheated on is a challenging experience. Learning how to handle a cheater can help you regain control of your life and determine the best way forward.

While damaging hurting the cheater might feel satisfying in the moment, it will not ultimately help you heal or feel better in the long run. The emotional and mental effects of being cheated on can be long-lasting, leading to insecurities, low self-esteem, distrust, and other negative feelings.

If you choose to stay with your cheating partner, it is crucial to take time for yourself. This will allow you to process your emotions and reevaluate your decision. It is essential to consider whether you are staying in the relationship to become stronger together, out of sadness, or simply out of comfort.

After being cheated on, it is important to get tested for sexually transmitted infections. If you decide to stay with your cheating partner, it is also important to ask them to get tested before resuming a sexual relationship.

It is important to remember that the reasons for cheating often have little to do with the person who was cheated on. While understanding why it happened may be part of the healing process, it is essential not to blame yourself for your partner's actions. Communication is key, and having an honest conversation about the needs of both partners is important if the relationship is to continue.

No matter what you decide, it is crucial to be honest with yourself about your wants and needs in a relationship moving forward.

Also, accept that you may never understand the reasons behind your partner’s infidelity. Of course, your capacity to deal with this will depend a lot on your partner’s dedication to not repeating their terrible mistake. Remember that forgiving someone is different than condoning what they did. Be patient with yourself and remember the goal.

If you find yourself unable to forgive your partner’s infidelity, consider seeking help from a relationship expert or family therapist. They can teach you various methods for letting go of the hurt and moving forward in life. If there is one thing to know for sure, it is that once you put in the work and heal, you will be able to fully trust and love once again.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation

READER ADVICE

Trust is important Martin Ssebyala. There is nothing like love without trust. If you do not trust her, then you do not love her. Just cut her loose and move on.
Otherwise, you are each just wasting the other’s time.It will end in tears or domestic violence.
End the relationship Generous Nakie. According to her response, the child is not yours. Why is love unfair to genuine people?
Unfortunately,only your love will not be enough. A relationship must be balanced and this girlfriend of yours has already shown you that she is not ready to settle down. Let go, nurse your broken heart and be ready to fall in love again.

Walk away
Joan Joanah. Sorry for that traumatising experience you are going through. Although you still love her,once trust is lost, the rest is meaningless. Hopefully, you will muster up enough courage to walk out of that toxic relationship.

DNA at birth is key
Mac JB Bukenya. One reason I advocate for DNA immediately after
delivery is to avoid such nonsense and financial trains. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in right now.
You cannot trust anyone fully, even if it is your partner. Wait for her apology Dennis Baliddawa. Stop caring, be silent.If she loves you and wants to be your wife, she will change and apologise. When she does this, propose to her and make things official. I have a feeling she is just acting out and a proposal will help her settle down.

Know your worth
Victorious Judy. If you cannot trust her again, it is better to move on. When you take a break from a toxic relationship, you find clarity and the ability to know your worth and what you deserve. You cannot say you love someone who has
already shown they will cheat on you when it serves them best.
She is a toxic person Rosie Prince. I cannot imagine a relationship without trust, loyalty and honesty. If I were the one, I would have walked away a long time ago. But again, why would anyone live a double life? She is a dangerous and toxic woman.

Forgive her
David Mukisa. To err is human and to forgive divine.If you truly love your woman,please forgive her and together,work out ways of making the relationship work. Couples therapy can help you because here, a professional will guide you on ways to move on without any guilt or blame.

 Good luck.
You will find love again Bartholomew Diaz Nsubuga.
Thomas, that relationship is toxic and you must call it quits as soon as possible. To all the wonderful women on this platform, is there anyone willing to help Thomas heal from this heartbreak?