She threw my smart phone out of a taxi

Dear counsellor, my partner has constantly had issues with me holding a smart phone to the extent of either breaking them or throwing one out of a moving taxi. She says I misuse them by subscribing to different WhatsApp groups which ‘do not add value to me’ or “chat with other women’. For the three weeks I have held kabiriti she is at her best behaviour I am now afraid of buying a smart phone. How do I convince her life revolves around the internet and I need a smart Phone?

Morgan Kasibante

Dear Morgan,

The smartphone is very handy in running a relationship but it can also lead to breaking of the same. For the time I have worked with couples, at least among the conflicts that bring them for therapy, the smartphone is usually among them.

The smartphone in itself is not the issue, however the usage.

It is now evident that the Internet is now one of our major sources of information, it is used to conduct transactions, and navigating life events such as finding new jobs, staying connected with loved ones, handling emergencies, and even receiving the news.

After the Covid 19 pandemic, the smartphone is now used in education more than ever before and also for searching for health care.

This means that owning a smartphone is currently inevitable. In the above case, your girlfriend seems to be affected by trust issues.

Throwing away your phones is only communication that there is something wrong.

It is true that life revolves around the phone but the phone should not block you from relating well with your girlfriend and loved ones.

Take your girlfriend out for coffee and while in your best moods ask her about what she feels when you own a smartphone.

Does she also own one?

If yes get her point of view on how well you can use a phone without hurting each other’s feelings. If she does not have one, be open to her about what you use your phone for other than WhatsApp.

Remember perception might be an issue here, just in case she has been hurt before due to a phone. Couples differ on how they decide to use their phones, for some it is okay to not touch each other’s phone just to keep the peace.

Others prefer sharing their passwords and being free to touch each other’s phones just to feel comfortable and less suspicious.

I may not be in a position to decide for you which one works better. I can only emphasise that find out what makes your girlfriend upset with the way you use your phone.

Find help, maybe

If you are using it as an office let her know and also have time for the two of you un-interrupted by the phone.

You understand her better depending on how long you have lived together and are able to tell what puts her off.

If you realise it is an impulsive attitude and may be due to past hurting, find help through a relationship therapist to provide you space where you can freely discuss none judgmentally what you each expect on how to use the phone smartly without hurting each other.

Reader advice

Internet is the way to go - Tonny Mulemberezi

I want to know how other families are run.  If he can cheat with a smart phone, he will also cheat with a kabiriiti, simple! This is a revolved world where the Internet is a platform of work.  My wife works on the Internet every day, businesses run there, and so do I. Simple.

She needs the attention - Danny Beto

No dude life does not revolve around Internet. It revolves around your wife. She is your attention. She needs your attention. You cannot be on the phone 24/7 man. She is right if you are using your phone for doing useless things and even chatting with women and you are hurting her feelings. Relationships are about doing what pleases both partners. If you are doing the contrary then you are not making it work. Quit your ego and do what makes her happy and stop acting like a kid chatting with other women on WhatsApp.

She is exploiting you - Ivan Halera Rukundo

That fact that you are afraid of your partner to that extent itself is worrying.

She has seen that weakness and she is exploiting it... You have to stand for yourself man, maybe she is training you to be courageous.

But seriously though, grow up, don’t you have a life? - Elas Jason

This obsessed love is very dangerous and destructive.

 She should know you have a life to live even though you are in relationship with her. This kind of love can result into both physical and emotional trauma. You should have left her like yesterday.

@Heart2HeartMagazine

Ms Kharono is a counselling Psychologist at Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation.