They told her not to marry me because I am Catholic

“He belongs to darkness; do not marry him unless he becomes a born-again.” This is what her friends and immediate family told my wife when they found out she had agreed to marry me.

My relationship with Joan Mulungi is a tale of two broken hearts coming together. As a friend, Joan asked for a meeting to share her relationship struggles and in our back-and-forth engagements, she hinted about fasting and praying for a loving man.

I was moved by her narrative, given the fact that I too wanted a prayerful partner and friend. And during one of those lonely nights, I gained the confidence to tell Joan that I was what she was praying for.

“But I am a pastor’s daughter and you are a Catholic!” she said.

“Love knows no boundaries. Whether it is age, skin colour, social background, or religious beliefs, this could be our fate,” I replied to her WhatsApp message.

I chose to suffocate her with messages of love and hope to divert her from her religious concerns. She seemed caught up between reality and pleasing the people around her who are glued to the sacred values of her Pentecostal faith. Moving forward, she asked me about marriage and I rightly told her that as long as we are happy, we can create a happy family.

Convincing her parents

Joan tried to hide the fact that her parents had told her never to marry a person of another faith. However, when she realised that I was not about to denounce Catholicism, she embarked on an agenda to convince her parents that I was a good man. And even when her parents asked her to preach to me so that I convert and become born-again, she told them their role was to pray so that God guides, since one can only become born again by God’s grace.

Her mother respected her decision and accepted me as Joan’s boyfriend. She would often talk to me and remind me that Jesus is the way, truth and life, and so did her father.

Her friends and pastors, however, often accused her of being a sinner, since it is common knowledge that I have on several occasions condemned dishonest pastors on social media. A famous pastor’s wife, who was her close friend, asked her to stay away from me or risk destroying their friendship. She also prophesied that I would not marry her.

Seeing the stress she was going through, I asked Joan to stop paying attention to her Pentecostal friends if she was serious about our relationship. Several of her friends avoided her and she was banished from on-pulpit services in some churches, but she stood her ground.

I felt like a saboteur so I started encouraging her to go to her church as she also encouraged me to go to mine. I recall her dropping me off at Christ the King Church in Kampala for prayers several times.

I still chose her

I have to say there was an ever-present dark energy in our lives because of the nonstop hatred coming from our bitter past and the fact that we were not married. At some point, Joan felt like quitting. She was being pressured by her peers and parents and she wanted to be sure about her status in my life.

My mentor, Pastor Godfrey Kuteesa, invited me for prayers and regular counselling. He prepared me to understand the ups and lows of marriage and later, he asked me to make a personal decision. I chose to visit Joan’s parents on February 17, and on that day, I was given the green light to marry her.

Do not marry darkness

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”  This is what most of her close Pentecostal friends shared with her, quoting 2 Corinthians 6:14. And this was after we decided to get married. The saddest part is that these were the same people who had previously said if I was serious about the relationship, I should marry her.

Initially, Pastor Kuteesa warned me that the moment a person decides to marry, a lot of unjustified resistance can manifest itself, but he guided me to pray and never pay attention to detractors.

 It was painful and stressful since I would often hear Joan crying as she took phone calls in the washroom late at night. One night I stalked her and heard the voice of a woman telling her it is wrong to marry non-believers, especially Catholics. That same person said if Joan went ahead with the wedding preparations, she would not attend.

“That is a plate of food spared for another guest,” I painfully shouted.

Pastor Eldad Muliira, a mutual friend, told Joan it is wrong to call a Catholic a non-believer and it is wrong to assume that a Catholic cannot marry a born-again Christian. He emphasised that a non-believer is someone who does not acknowledge Christianity. Pastor Kuteesa said marriage is not about religion or belief systems but about the values the two people intending to get married share. At one point, Joan had decided to embrace the Catholic faith, but I said no.

I did not want her to ditch her freedom of worship as a Pentecostal just so we could get married.  We both agreed to go for a civil marriage, but I invited Pastor Eldad Muliira to bless our marriage.

We had a beautiful wedding

Weddings are stressful and financially exhausting, but we thank God that most things went as planned. Prior to our wedding, I was honoured with a letter from the office of the Katikkiro of the Buganda Kingdom, congratulating us on the thoughtful decision we had made as a couple.

I am a disciple of Katikkiro Charles Peter Mayiga’s regular developmental guidance and that letter meant a lot. Our wedding was planned by a friend, Juliet Bukirwa Muwanguzi, the proprietor of PJM Concepts, her husband, Solomon Muwanguzi, who was my best man and Joan’s matron, her worship Anne Walusimbi Nanteza.

They all agreed to a simple but beautiful wedding. It was an honour to see distinguished guests such as Ambassador Badru Dungu Kateregga, Ambassador Ole Reidar Bergum, politicians, musicians and religious leaders, among others, at our ceremony.

A moment missed by my mother

While weddings are a joyous occasion, it can be difficult to fully celebrate in the absence of a loved one. I struggled to stomach the pain of not having my mother at my wedding.

Read hard, get a job and start a family was her regular guidance. But suddenly, she could not live to celebrate what she wished for my siblings and I. However, I found solace in the fact that her siblings were present. Her sister Rosette ably made sure that I got emotionally connected to my late mother. Besides singing my mother’s favourite church hymn, she also recreated Busoga’s harvest celebration dance.

Owned by my first employers’ family, our wedding venue had been suggested nine years before I met Joan. It was memorable to fulfill the late Hadijah Nakitende’s wish. She had prepared me for journalism and at this same place, she had talked about the beauty of marriage and asked me to choose it as my wedding venue.

So far

A lot has changed since we made the decision to get married. Joan leads a prayer alter at home but she never forgets to escort me to Christ the King’s church as she heads to her mother’s church.

We choose not to look at our differences in faith but rather, do what makes each other happy as long as we do not infringe on each other’s freedoms. We also still pray to God for provision so that we can have a proper honeymoon later in the year.