Prime
After Namugongo: Follow-up questions
Pilgrims walk to Namugongo for Uganda Martyrs' Day commemoration on June 3, 2024. PHOTO/ ABUBAKER LUBOWA
What you need to know:
- It is commonly claimed that Uganda is a Christian nation
- This godlessness is increasing exponentially and soon there will be no pretence of holiness left.
- Pilgrims walk to the Uganda Martyrs shrine from all over the country
So this happened a few years ago. Awo olwatuka as they say. It means there when it reached or something equivalent. Ask a Muganda.
The point is, a king found a bunch of kids praying and wasn't amused at their choice of God so he burnt them. Built a fire and tossed them into it, little knowing that when you persecute religions you just make them stronger, and now, well into the millennium since, we still take the day off each year to commemorate his act.
What I have given you is a very brief and shallow summary of the events. I'm sure you have follow-up questions. I can post some here but don't expect answers. Let's go:
1.Can we make sure it is clear that we are not celebrating burnt kids? Can we clarify that we are celebrating their triumphant ascent into purgatory? If purgatory is up, that is. I'm not sure of the geography of the catholic afterlife. It might be horizontal. Chatgpt isn't ready to provide an expert view.
2. The muchomo on sale at the site of the commemoration. Guys. Really?
3. Pilgrims walk to the Uganda Martyrs shrine from all over the country. They walk. They cover long distances in sapatu and lugabire to demonstrate their piety and devotion. Not to ask for a rope to accompany the gracious gift of the cow, but we impress upon the pilgrims to do one more holy thing before they leave and not only walk back but, just an idea, just a thought, just a suggestion, clean up their trash before they go?
4. Whose condoms were these? At a holy pilgrimage? At a catholic holy pilgrimage? Men!!!
5.Why are the Uganda Martyrs the only saints I know of who share a day? Even Valentine, saint of DMs and Rizz has his own day separate from St Geralds Day, October 16. St Gerald is the saint of unplanned pregnancy (at a stretch. He's the saint of expectant mothers. If you are late a month after Valentine's, he's the one you need to talk to. I think. I'm not a catholic theologian, I am also just asking. Let me forestall criticism by saying, “Isn't he?”
6.What about the dude who got away? I'm not going by historical fact here, I'm going by common sense. There must have been at least one young Catholic acolyte in Buganda who saw what was coming and quickly contrived an effective escape. Maybe he bribed a cop, given that Ugandans are so deft at bribing law enforcement that it can't be just something we started recently. It is a tradition that must have been honed over a considerable period. I'm willing to guess that even as far back as precolonial times we had developed cunning ways of handing over chai.
This guy must have a commemoration of some sort.
Or maybe, if you don't believe the Kabaka's kill squad was corruptible, then maybe he got away because he snitched. He plea-bargained. Who was that guy and what did he do?
7. It is commonly claimed that Uganda is a Christian nation. For God and my country and so on. But come on. We've been here long enough to know that we are an inveterate brood of vipers. We drink, fornicate, lie, steal, and park SUVs on pavements. We do not live holy, Christ-like lives. Our more accurate motto would be “Anyhowly.”
This godlessness is increasing exponentially and soon there will be no pretence of holiness left. When that happens will June 6th be converted to Pork Barbecue and Namugongo Orgy Day? Because, from sources unreliable, I have heard that Nyege Nyege only wishes it could reach the level of debauchery exercised annually in June.
