Living and loving it: Ditching the silent treatment in the 17th year of marriage

Did you know that you can find out something new about your spouse even after 17 years of marriage?  I found that out not too long ago. I discovered, as I wrote a few weeks back, that hubby can use a full 20-litre jerrican of water for one bath. 
All 20 litres. 
For one bath. 

That I found this out at a time where there was a water flow problem in the area, made it a worrying discovery. 
On the other hand hubby has discovered that if I feel very strongly about something, I will defend it till I am sweating furiously. It has not reached that point yet but we came close. I tend to agree with him many times as he can be convincing. And when I am not convinced, while I do not overtly disagree with him, neither do I agree. I just get a little quiet and we move on to the next thing. 
Sometime back, he tried to convince me to let go of something a particular way. 
I refused. 

He brought the topic up many times, in different ways and tried to lay out a plan of how I could let go. But I refused. 
His advice, was in hindsight, wise, but not my style. I could see the wheels turning in his head, wondering what was happening to his amicable wife who is usually willing to try out his methods. 
Still I did not budge. I did it my way and he finally agreed to it. He must still be wondering where that part of me came from.
Thankfully, all these discoveries have been learning points and did not cause any disagreements or strife, allowing us to happily celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary last Saturday.

The 17th year, has been a good one. In it, I have come to understand that though our parenting styles are quite different when it comes to certain areas, there is a beauty to it. I am keen on our girls doing certain things in an organised manner; hubby encourages them to be as free-spirited as possible. I follow their academic performance rigorously and demand they do their best (which fortunately or unfortunately for them I know so there is no settling for less); hubby tends to focus on life-skills, both important and crazy (they know how to climb trees, walls and many other things that can be climbed). Before, these different styles were a cause of friction. But this year, we came to understand that we complement each other. It has been gratifying to see them work hard in their academics and do a good job (my training), as well as see the younger one run for prefect and go through, while the older one was selected lady of the week in school for a number of things she did very well (hubby’s training).

I have also learned, practised and become better at speaking up. In the early years of our marriage, we usually talked through misunderstandings we had, sometimes for hours. That helped us have a closer relationship. Later on, however, we talked less often about such issues and when we got round to doing so, sometimes we could not agree especially if we allowed the issue to fester. That led to some tense unhappy months. Now, I must admit this was largely my fault. Hubby is usually willing to talk. I on the other hand want to chew over the problem in my mind before we can address it. This is not a bad thing. But it becomes problematic when I chew for days on end without speaking (even when he has asked me what is wrong) and yet are silent and unhappy. The 17th year taught me to speak again. I made a couple of rules for myself. If something I am not happy about happens, I ought to tell hubby about it in a loving and respectful way. 

Where the love and respect are having a hard time showing up, I call on God to send me bucketfuls of them! If I am not ready to speak about it at the moment or shortly after, I am allowed 24 hours only, within which to chew it over before speaking to him. If I do not do either of the above, then I should be able to let the issue go completely. If I feel I need to bring it up after the 24 hours have elapsed, then I should do so as a point of discussion and reflection, and not accusation. So far, so good.
May the Lord make the next 17 years even better.
[email protected]