Living and loving it: The gems to be found in books

READ: Books they read

Books you need to read this year

In her biography titled Speak, Tunde Oyeneyin reminds us that bad days will come. But, they will also go. She writes, “Robin Arzon Peloton instructor and VP of fitness programming likes to say, ‘You’ve made it through 100% of your bad days.’ None of the bad days have won, even when it feels like they have.” 

What a powerful way to look at bad days! This line is such a helpful reminder for me not just because it sounds nice, but because it is true. No matter what happens, if I am able to wake up to see another day, it means I can find my feet and keep at it. 

Now, if you are like me, you are afraid of lies. This doesn’t mean I do not tell them; indeed I find myself telling one or so sometimes and thereafter live in the fear of being caught out which is really silly because I should just have told the truth in the first place. Those are usually white lies. But there are other deeper darker lies, lies we have told ourselves and have now come to believe are truth. This is what Rachel Hollis in her book Girl, wash Your Face, implores us to look at. 

As I read through the 20 lies she wrote about, that many women find themselves believing, I found myself squirming at a number of them because I had dug myself into some of those holes. The one that was very uplifting for me though, was Lie Number 6, which states, “No is the final answer”. I will tell you something, I am afraid of hearing “No”. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. 

So I work extra hard to make sure the person I am going to ask for something will want to say, “Yes!” Which makes their “No!” when they say it even more painful to hear. This has been such a problem for me. When I get a no, I walk away with my tail behind my legs, resigned to closing that chapter and wallowing in self-pity unless the person miraculously changes their mind, or a yes materialises like magic from somewhere else. 

Well, you know what Hollis says about that? This: “When it comes to your dreams, no is not an answer. The word no is not a reason to stop. Instead think of it as a detour or a yield sign. No means merge with caution. No reminds you to slow down – to re-evaluate where you are and to judge how the new position you’re in can better prepare you for your destination.” I cannot tell you how much freedom there is in knowing and believing that no is not the end of it all.

 It is someone’s thought, someone’s opinion, someone’s perspective, which can change. And even if it doesn’t, there are options to getting what I want if I truly feel it is worth getting. It might take longer, it might be a little harder to get or it might stretch me more than I would like but that is worth the joy of finally getting a yes.

I have also learnt that each of us has a strength and a power within us, regardless of our disposition, character and background. When I read a story by Wobusobozi Amooti Kangere, titled A Tale of Two Matriarchs, in the book Remembering the Future, of two women who back in the colonial days wielded such authority and power, and run whole villages and communities, I was mad that we have not been told some of this precious and wonderful history. But even more, I was inspired by these women who stood against brutality, discrimination and even culture. I was reminded that each of us, have something within that can make us great leaders, whether that is charisma, stoicism, resilience, diplomacy, a sweet spirit or intellect. 

May we use our gifts, time and whatever else is at our disposal to make this world a better place for others and in so doing, fulfil our dreams.

[email protected]