Mother pours out her heart to her daughter

The first thing this book did was to remind me of the importance of my role as a mother. There are so many texts, including books, articles and sermons, on how important fathers are in children’s lives, and it is true.

The overwhelming information on the importance of fatherhood and the underwhelming material on that of motherhood, however, can easily create the notion that the father’s role is more important. It would seem that the fathers are needed for stability and to ensure a good future while mothers are needed just to ensure the children are fed, dressed and presentable. This book though, is a reminder that a mother’s roles are just as important.

Packed with advice, a little family history and fun stories in the form of letters to her daughter, Hilda Ocan—the author—starts by telling us why she started this project. When Ocan is asked by a friend what important facts of life she would want to tell her child, Abigail, she realises there are many things she has not told her.

Since Abigail is still in boarding school for the term, Ocan decides to write down these important things as letters to give Abigail when she gets back. When Ocan is done and shares the letters with her friend, she is encouraged to share the content not just with her daughter but as many people as possible because of the valuable information they hold. It is at this juncture that the idea of a book was born.

Ocan starts the book by telling Abigail a little about herself, where she was born and how she grew up. She talks about the fun times she had as a child, and the difficult times. These include when her parents separated. She also talks about how she met Abigail’s father, an engaging story involving Uganda, Tanzania and inter-university fellowships.

This is one of the beauties of writing the letter. Hilda is able to talk about the butterflies in her stomach then, her vulnerability, her disappointment when a few things went wrong and her happiness when they eventually tied the knot.

Something about putting the story down as a letter provides more detail and context than might have been if she was speaking to her daughter.

After the history, Ocan delves into sharing her thoughts, giving advice, cracking jokes and reminiscing about good times she has had with Abigail. The letters touch on various things, including money, friends, purpose, finding the right man, courtship, faith in God, parenting, and a lot more.

Ocan is careful to pick these topics because she knows that her daughter, like many other girls, will start to think about these things as she is turning into a woman. Ocan shares her thoughts as a mother but also as a friend and weaves her own experiences in there. She is open about the mistakes she has made and that vulnerability makes her advice easy to take heed of. The author also talks about the good choices she has made.

The level of generosity with which she praises Abigail in Letter #12, titled The Many Things I Love About You is the same level of honesty with which she talks about Abigail’s weaknesses in Letter #41 titled, It is Okay to be Vulnerable.

The letters in this book are short and beautiful. Some are written halfway, ending as Ocan has to go run and do a chore and come back to them later. Others are long and broken into two parts, while a few have been written over a number of days, as Ocan was likely trying to figure out how to share wisdom.

There could have been tighter editing in some parts. And with such a personal book as this, illustrations like photos of mother and daughter, or of the actual letters, would have added to its authenticity. Nevertheless the book is a good read.

Title

Letters to my Daughter

Author

 Hilda Ocan 

Pages

175

Price

Shs30,000

Where: 

Ggaba Community Church Bookshop, www.africanbooks.com.