This is Ugypedia, the Ugandan Pedia. Today's entry is on the topic of Chapati.
What it is: The staple food of Kampala.
This is not controversial. Don't argue. I didn't say staple food of Uganda. I did not say staple food of your people. But even Nassuuna knows she eats more chapati than matooke. Even Billy Ox knows he eats more chapu than Kalo.
It's only Kayla who can argue, but that's because her boojie self subsists on pizza and chicken buckets. But back when she was at hostel it was rollas and kikomando all day every day.
That woman even put oddi on a chapu once.
Structure and morphology:
A chapati is disc of flour shallow-fried on a pan until it is delicious, whereupon eating or selling ensues.
Origin:
While food items similar to the chapati familiar to Ugandans have been known to appear in many different parts of the world, it is generally believed that east Africans learned chapu from Indians.
No, for real. Trade on the East African coast wasn't just from Arabia. There's plenty of evidence of merchandise from the subcontinent and even as far as China.
The initial negotiation between the first chapati traders and their African counterparts went as follows:
● What's it for?
● I don't know.
● Perhaps it's a non-lethal weapon. Slap someone with it and we see.
● Slap.
● How was the slap?
● I'd say humiliating and it left a bit of oil on my cheek but otherwise the hand that held that chapati would have done a better job on its own
● What if I roll it up?
● Wait if you… hey I was still talking when you started the slap. You slapped the inside of my mouth… wait a minute. Mmmmnnn. Nyummy. Do that again?
And the rest was African history.
Practical applications:
When rolled around fried eggs, a chapati can lead to nourishment and happiness, especially when paired with tomatoes. This is commonly known as a rolex
When rolled around fried eggs in a cafe with a roof and a coffee machine and priced at eight times as much it can lead to nourishment and happiness. This is commonly known as a wrap.
When chopped up and mingled with beans it can provide carbohydrates that energise upcoming local artists, construction workers and phone thieves.
It's also a great weapon for sibling fights. When you are fighting your brother, you are not trying to hurt them, you're trying to humiliate them. No one survives a slap from an oily chapati with dignity intact.
It's not too late to try that now that you are old enough to subscribe to online newspapers.
If you remember when he hid the battery of the TV remote when you were in primary so you would be forced to watch his show instead of changing to yours and you never got a satisfactory revenge, and time passed and you grew up and you don't even see Fairly Odd Parents, just saying, just putting it out there… it's not too late to visit him at his office. There's a person who sells chapus there.
Controversy:
Chapati does not really have a taste but it is still delicious.
What is it? Breakfast? Lunch? Snack? Pick a struggle
Cold chapu leads to cramps and constipation so if you are going on a long bus journey without toilets on the way you know what to do.
