Hot tips for the airborne
Author, Stella Riunga Rop.
What you need to know:
- Be mindful what you drink, because it is a guarantee that the instant you need to use the toilet you will find five other people hovering around the toilet door (three of them looking like they might let go right then and there).
Brethren, if you can afford to regularly fly business class or first class—then this article is not for you. If you are firmly an economy/cattle-class traveller then do read on.
First, let me note that I am extremely grateful that God gave mankind the brains to figure out how to imitate birds and get to distant places by air. How amazing!
Once you get past the circus that is check-in and security (one day we’ll have to start removing our underwear, eyelashes and make-up, not just shoes) there’s the question of being at the right gate at the right time. Arrive three hours before the flight and prepare adequately for the crushing boredom of waiting—it is better than the alternative, which is having your name being called over and over the public address (PA) system: “Passenger Bwire, can you report to Gate 5, Passenger Bwire, last call for Passenger Bwire….” while everyone wonders what on earth happened to Passenger Bwire and why he could not arrive on time!
Be mindful what you drink, because it is a guarantee that the instant you need to use the toilet you will find five other people hovering around the toilet door (three of them looking like they might let go right then and there).
Then, there is every possibility that the Goliath-like passenger in the seat in front of you will decide to recline their seat for a nap—landing somewhere in the vicinity of your crotch. Speak up if this happens, or you just might alight with a blood clot. Here is a business idea—someone should start an airline exclusively for people more than six feet tall. Let them be given mattresses instead of seats for their abnormally long limbs, instead of causing others agony over oceans, deserts and plains.
Never mind the bad-breathed passenger next to you who keeps falling into your bosom while they nap—you also close your eyes and fall into theirs, and see how quickly they will wake up! Finally, do appreciate the cabin crew. How they manage to feed and care for so many hungry, grumpy, tired people so efficiently is simply extraordinary.
Enjoy your flight!
