Forget what you have heard, here is the meaning of true love

In the last two months, I have been privileged to officiate at four weddings and 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 has been one of my favourite texts to preach from on these beautiful occasions. It reads: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

 In these four verses, Paul explains what love is all about. Allow me to substitute these 10 characteristics of love into the 10 commandments. Here we go. 

Firstly, the Greek word for love used in 1 Corinthians 13 is “agape,” which refers to selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love; or love that does not expect anything in return. 

 1. Thou shall be kind

The word “kind” can mean two things. It may mean to “show oneself useful” in the sense that you are helpful or useful to your spouse. For instance, you do not continue watching Television when your wife is breaking her back, trying to wash the dishes. The second thing is that kindness may mean being tender, pleasant, courteous, compassionate, or polite. It is the opposite of acting bitter, sharp, disagreeable, and harsh. Unfortunately in marriages today, spouses are often harsh and disagreeable toward each other.

2. Thou shall not be proud

 Pride is the mindset and attitude of feeling oneself above others. Whereas boast is spoken, pride is the unspoken inner attitude of the heart. Pride can also be called an inflated ego, conceit, arrogance, or haughtiness. Pride, just as boastfulness will kill your relationship. The more you love your spouse the far removed you will be from pride. You will rather seek to be humble towards them

3. Thou shall not dishonour others

The word “honour” here means to “regard with great respect.” Love honours others. It speaks well of them. It lifts them; it does not pull them down, belittle, condemn, embarrass, or injure their person or character. Dishonoring others can also go as far as how you present yourself to others. When a child of a king is eating from the dumpster, he is dishonouring his father. In the same way, a wife or husband who sleeps around or talks aimlessly, or does terrible things dishonours their spouse. A husband who beats his wife is not honouring her.    

4. Thou shall not be self-seeking

Too many people insist on having their way in marriage. They seek their advantage and interests and want to control and manipulate their spouses into submission or agreement. This is not the way of love. Love is not self-seeking. It does not put its interests above the interests of the other person. Rather, love is focused on the other person; their interests and desires, and seeks to meet them. As you focus on the needs of your partner and as they focus on your needs, both partners’ needs are met in an environment of mutual sacrifice and selflessness.

All too often, people get married to get their needs met rather than meeting the needs of the other person. Consequently, when that does not happen, marriage collapses and they separate or divorce and move on to the next marriage, which also will not work if they go in with the same mindset

5. Thou shall not be easily angered

I know someone who calls himself “hot temper.” I want to believe that this alias is a marketing gimmick intended to get him popular and does not extend to his bedroom and relationship with his wife. We saw from our first law that love is patient. We all get angry, sometimes, and this is okay. But this does not mean you just fly off the handle. People who easily snap have no control over themselves; they are frustrated, scared, or hurt. Ten times out of 10, they will say things to their spouses in the heat of a moment that they will regret for the rest of their lives.            

6. Thou shall not keep a record of wrongs

Some people will keep a record of their partner’s wrongs and ruminate over them to their emotional and mental detriment. Love, however, forgives and forgets continually. It wipes the offense slate clean every time so the other person can have a new start. It does not bring up past offenses to hurt the person.    

7. Thou shall not delight in evil but in good

In an era where every organisation, including church establishments, seems to be hung up on the principle of diversity, equity, and inclusion, true love must confront the mistaken belief that love is equal to tolerance of sin. The Corinthian church that Paul wrote this letter to was tolerant; they had tolerated a man who was having sexual relations with his mother. They had turned Holy Communion into a gluttonous and binge-drinking exercise they came off the table belching and as drunk as skunks!

Paul teaches that love does not hide sin or tolerate it. Rather it confronts it with the truth. A married man or woman should not keep quiet when they see their spouse going wayward. Rather they must gently correct them. A spouse who does not do this does not love his/her partner.  Wishing you a blessed 2024 as you love your spouse the commanded way

8. Thou shall not boast

 Boasting is the speech and conduct of having a superior opinion or attitude of oneself. It is the saying that you are better than the other person. In marriage as in other relationships, boasting should have no place. It kills relationships. Rather, spouses ought to have respect and consideration for the opinions, needs, and attitudes of the other. The whole point is to honor the other person with your words.