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What is so special about men and their friendships?
Singer Navio (extreme R), with his buddies. It is always a scramble for first place in a man’s life between his woman and his male friends. It seems like the latter always win, which is so upsetting. Photo by Ismail Kezaala.
What you need to know:
Women may apparently be a man’s better half, but his friends are his other self. And how much grief this has caused women in relationships. Derrick Nomujuni tries to put things into perspective.
Maybe the first thing a woman needs to understand about men is that they never make friends with the ease that women do and that is a fact. So, when another male endures the long gruesome tests on the way to friendship, that is something no man is willing to give up for anything.
When it comes to you, it is never a competition with his friends because the nature of the relationships is completely different. And by the mere fact that women control the sex kind of gives you the upper hand and puts you in a position of enormous power. But please note that with great power comes great responsibility. Plus, it is very important to be kind and giving to the people you rule over.
Men, by nature, are genetically engineered to compete amongst each other. And few men will pass up the opportunity to exhibit their superiority over other males hence our fascination with sports, money, beautiful women and the like. These avenues provide ways of asserting our dominance over other males. This means that in male-to-male interactions, there is little room for weakness or vulnerability in any regard.
Like other relationships, men’s friendships are based on trust. And like most things, trust is earned in circumstances that may mean letting your guard down and choosing to trust another person with a side of you that may not exude typical masculine or dominant behaviour.
This may mean letting another man see you cry because you lost someone dear to you. Or telling them about a girl that is making you lose sleep. Ironically, they may have even encouraged him to walk up to the girl that now seems to have a problem with them because he was too shy. Basically, these are people that have seen me at my worst and still treated me like a man.
It might also help women to understand that men relate differently from women. Whereas women choose to “talk” about things with their friends, men choose to “do” things with their friends. So, while endless phone calls every five minutes may suffice for women, men need to meet up and do things, preferably macho stuff, hence the need for drinking beer, poker night or some sort of activity.
Women may be a man’s better half, but his friends are his other self. So, when a woman says to a man that they do not approve of his friends, it means that she doesn’t approve of certain aspects about him. This is because, even if she doesn’t recognise it, a man’s friends are partly responsible for shaping him into the kind of man she has come to love. That aside, by the time a man chooses a particular woman from the many options and elevates her to the status of the one, it means her position is set in stone and secure.
So, quit trying to wear him out with your constant need for attention. And, if it comes to the point of a man choosing his friends over you, then he is probably choosing the less stressful and more fun option, which speaks volumes about the deficiencies in the kind of relationship you share. You are probably not using your power very well.
