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Why marrieds should not look down on Valentine’s Day
Flowers, gifts, dinner, a gateaway are great ways to to spice up and stoke the romantic fires in marriage. PHOTO/NET
What you need to know:
You probably have not spent a night out in years together away from the drama of children. Get into the habit of planning getaways and create memories for just the two of you.
The city was painted red as folks got out their way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, early this week. Social media was awash with photos of presents that people got from their loved ones; cars, flowers, dinner treats, wines, money, electronics, the list goes on and on. Others were pinned on billboards.
It is a common joke in my marriage counselling circles, that every time you see a couple driving and laughing, those are not married. Then every time you see a couple driving and they seem silent, grumpy and sad, those are married.
For older folks like me, who have been married for a while, there is a tendency to allow our marriages to rust and even look down on days such as Valentine’s Day. Many tend to assume these are youthful excitement or pagan holidays, with too much commercial attachments. But how about we use such days to spice up and stoke the romantic fires in our marriages? How?
Something out of the ordinary
Valentine’s Day is gone but it is not too late to buy chocolate, flowers, and treat your loved one to dinner. Romans 12:10 says “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourself.” Love is sacrificial. Be creative and surprise them. Speak their love language.
“You have been with your spouse for a while now so you know their love language to some extent. Do for them what you know they love”, advises Geraldine Mwanda, a marriage counsellor. The focus should be on your spouse and not on yourself.
Spend the night away
You probably have not spent a night out in years together away from the drama of children. Get into the habit of planning getaways and create moments for just the two of you.
Hotels and tourist destinations usually have seasons when they offer discounted packages. You can take advantage of these.
This might be a good time to connect with each other at the heart level, listen to one another and talk out some things in regard to your marriage and parenting.
Make it special at home
If you are unable to spend the night out in some fancy-schmancy swanky hotel (for money or convenience reasons), make it special for your spouse in the comfort of your home. Pick up some of their favourite movies to binge on, prepare their favourite meal, or have a candlelit dinner at home. Play your favourite music and drink some wine (if it is not against your religion).
Handwrite them a love poem
You do not have to be an accomplished writer or poet to do this. Any words that can express your heartfelt thanks and appreciation for their part in your life are worth your time and ink. Sing them a romantic song, or message them a thank you note. I know people who may take down words from their favourite song and that is okay. It is you being you and communicating to your person how much they mean to you.
Open up about issues
When you married, you thought your marriage would be a bed of roses, but for some reason, it has not been anything even remotely close. You have drifted apart emotionally, probably verging on a separation or even divorce. But in your hearts, you believe there is still something to salvage out of your marriage or relationship.
And this is an opportunity to revive what you once had. It involves being honest with each other and facing the issues squarely. It is no time for arguments or squabbling of who is right and who is wrong. If you need a third party, involve a counsellor or mature leader or friend then let it be to save your marriage. This might be the new beginning for you.
Bless those who have blessed you
As a couple, especially if you have been through so much, you may want to focus outside of yourselves by being a blessing to those who have helped you thus far such as your parents, siblings, children, mentors. Gifting them with something or spending time with them at their convenience or writing them a thank you letter can be an alternate fun way to make them feel appreciated.
Be intimate with your partner
Chores, work, and children have probably taken the intimacy out of your marriage and you long for that time when you were just married and you went off as wild waves. How about you rekindle this area too? Throw on that sultry dress for him. Explore each other’s bodies in ways you have not done before. Bonding happens over intimacy and contributes immensely to marital satisfaction.
Play together
The best pristine gift one can give another is their time. Get an activity that will involve you both sharing time and doing something together such as dancing, hiking, play treasure hunt, give each other a body massage, skip the rope, take a scenic drive together, fill a crossword puzzle together or cook together. Life is about memories. Make them count with your significant other.
Discuss the future
Talk about your future as a couple in a non-intense manner. Where do you want to go? What is the shared contribution from each of you? What does it mean in terms of finances and other variables? This can be a fun activity if approached well.
