Why you need to escape the trap of parenting peer pressure

We tend to assume that peer pressure is exclusive to adolescents and parents do everything within their means to protect them from all manner of vices. But are you aware that most parents are also under peer influence in more ways than they can actually admit?

 “I am glad this term has come to an end. My son will help with home chores,” Jane casually talks to her friend, Beth. “I took mine to boarding school, so he could concentrate on his school load. Boarding grooms children into responsible citizens.” And right there, Jane was guilt-tripped and pressured to second-guess her parenting decision.  

Seeking validation

Parents want to make the best decisions for their children. Granted. And while it is fine to consult a friend or two, we sometimes let our feelings of what others think of us and the need to gain their approval, control us far too strongly than it should. And just like we fear for our adolescent children, when they are under peer pressure, we should fear for ourselves, if we catch the bad flu of parenting peer pressure.   

What are some of the parenting peer pressures that people face today? Desire to be the perfect parent; probably the most common. Enrol children in the best and most expensive schools, so they can gain an edge over others later in life. To provide for every whim and whine our children. To raise disciplined and socially-responsible children. To spend quality time with our children, earn lots of money and leave them a fat inheritance. To do homework daily and invest in an emotional bond with our children.

These expectations are good, but it will have to first get cold in hell before you fully meet some of them. Some parents succumb to pressure and end up compromising their health and happiness.

Inadvertently, some parents do not even know they are under parenting peer pressure. Sadly, there are mental and emotional problems associated with parenting peer pressure such as depression; arising out of stress for failing to make things happen for your children, high blood pressure, insomnia and fear.

Some parents fear for the present and future of their children.  “What will happen to my children when I am gone?” is a constant nagging question. So, how do we deal with parenting peer pressure?

Live within your means

 With whatever financial means we have at our disposal, we have been designed to succeed around them. For instance, you do not have to pay an arm and a leg for your child to succeed academically. I know children in low-school-fees-paying government schools who perform better than those in expensive private schools. When variables are managed well, a child can succeed regardless of where you place them.         

Do you know your child?

Every child has been uniquely designed by God to achieve certain things in life. When you spend time with them, you will find that out. The knowledge of this fact should liberate you from thinking that your child should be like the child next door. Focus on developing their potential in the direction of their gifting and purpose.

Shamirah Yasimin and her husband Gerald Kalema decided to take their sons to learn motocross. “We attended a KCCA- car racing circuit years ago with the boys in Naguru. The moment the boys saw the bikes, they expressed interest in learning the game and competing in the race. They have been riding since,” says Kalema.    

Have a trusted circle

The rat race, the desire to fit in and keep up with the Joneses, can be a deep hole you may not be able to get out of once you get in. This is why you need to have good parent friends, around whom you do not have to prove anything and about whom you are accountable. They should be able to look through your deception and call you to order, if you are acting funny.

Two heads are better than one

Life was designed for two because two heads are better than one. A strong marriage provides the shock-absorber for all the laundry and dirt that life may throw at you. Marriage can be a safe place where options are weighed by two minds and the best option adopted for the good of the children and parents. So spend time with your spouse and family and discuss your family values.

Do not jump on the bandwagon

There is misinformation that you need to sieve through. Some information may not be popular, but right and vice versa. Just because every parent does something, does not make it right. You must know what you want for your children and choose it carefully. 

Me time

Have your own time away from children. Go out with your spouse or friends or relatives. Explore new places. Read books, write a blog, start a youtube channel, eat healthy, exercise and do anything that makes you relax. Give yourself permission to fail forward as a parent.

No one parent has it all together.  The next time you feel the pressure from other parents to conform to things you would ordinarily not approve of, reject them firmly and stick to your values If it gets worse, find another company of parent friends who have similar beliefs and practices like yours.