50 Ways to Die—East Africa Edition

Recently, I was at the gate to where I live, driving in, when a boda boda rider chose that moment to fly in front of me—from the wrong side mark you—either because of criminal stupidity or an earnest attempt to lose a limb. 

And his passenger had the nerve to gesticulate angrily at me, as if I were the one on the wrong! 

And there we have it, the first and easiest way to die in these our cowntries—driving on our roads. 

If you’re not trying to swerve past a herd of cattle moving so slowly they’re almost moving backwards, then you’re plunging headlong into a pothole filled with water (on an otherwise dusty road) or competing with suicidal boda boda riders.

Here’s another way to make it to your final resting place quicker than average—become an avid consumer of news. The other day I decided to catch up with the international news and everything that I read was so horrible that I needed a counselling session afterwards. 

At the local level it’s all about ‘leaders’ busy stealing millions and billions of taxpayers’ money, at a head- spinning rate. With all the theft that is going on, how is there any money left around here? Miracles!

If you are looking to experience high blood pressure, I highly recommend going to a bank—any bank. Last week I had an errand to run at a big-name bank in the city centre. I entered and found that there was provision for four tellers but only two were on duty, so of course, there was a queue. 

Now, this is the same situation at all banks in my cowntry, in a feeble attempt to save costs. In fact, I’m ready to part with a cash gift if anyone can find a bank that actually has enough tellers to serve its customers. Just send me a photo!

I was going to add that being born in these our cowntries is a sure way to decrease your lifespan, but I wanted to end on a positive note, ha ha. Have a safe weekend!