Prime
Bad taxi behaviour
Now that we members of the walking nation find ourselves trapped together in a taxi every single morning, we simply have no option but to get along. I am calling out the following people for their bad taxi behavior and this being a Sunday, I am begging you to look deep in your heart, shine a torch down those dark corners, and see if it’s you I am talking about.
The V-knee offender
The V-knee offender (always a he, due to certain unchangeable anatomical reasons) sits casually in the taxi seat with one knee in the taxi and the other almost outside the window, as if he were cradling the world’s largest obese baby or Giant Panda in between his thighs. And where are you in this equation? Smashed against the window, of course, like a mosquito caught on the wrong side of a slipper. No amount of dirty looks or discreet fidgeting will make this idiot realise he is in a public vehicle, not his grandfather’s banana plantation. I highly recommend violence in this situation.
Grandma’s bottomless sack offender
This offender is usually a woman. Offense number one happens when her ffene-sized handbag lands on other passengers on her way into the taxi, delivering concussions right, left and centre like an out-of-control boxer. Offense number two happens when she delves into the bottomless depths of her handbag to look for money. Her face and neck will disappear into the bag as her elbows knock into your face and other sensitive regions of your body. I recommend elbowing her back with all the ferocity you can muster.
The negotiator
The Negotiator will enter, wait for the taxi to get on its way and coolly declare that she will only pay Shs 1, 000, not Shs1,500, fold her hands and look out the window with a face set in stone. You KNOW there is going to be drama when the Negotiator is around, shattering all your hopes of arriving at work quietly and drama-free. First erupts a stormy argument filled with flying insults, then the conductor furiously commands the driver to stop the vehicle. As he prepares to throw the offender out bodily (sometimes through a window), at the last moment the Negotiator produces the Shs500 coin that started all this trouble. I know times are hard but is Shs500 worth all this? Really?
Which kind of offender are you? Examine yourself!
