Conversation for the Socially Impaired

Brethren, I’m sure wherever you are, you have a social engagement—a wedding, a work event, a graduation or something else—coming up between now and the end of the year. In case you have an event coming up and no one to attend it with, not to worry, I have a few pointers that will ease you into the occasion.

First, please don’t wear that face when you sit at your table. Where I’m from we call it sura ya kazi—a face that shows you came for serious business, for example performing a surgery or running for president. Also, I don’t know why but we who wear spectacles tend to come across as forbidding. I don’t know why. So maintain a pleasant expression.

The secret to striking up conversation with strangers is to find common ground and then get them to talk about themselves. The fact that you are both at the event is evidence of common ground, so that’s sorted. By the way, please don’t say anything negative about the event. It doesn’t matter if the food they served you had dried weevils, no salt, or ran out just as you got to the queue, you may just be seated next to a close friend of the people who invited you. Questions such as “So, how do you know the bride/groom/graduate?” or “Who is your tailor? I really like what you’re wearing,” are excellent conversation starters.

However, I need to warn you about complimenting people. Many an unnecessary fight has been started by an innocent compliment wrongly interpreted. You have to read body language before, say, complimenting the beautifully dressed woman next to you on her outfit or general appearance. It could be that the scruffy character seated one or two spaces away from her is her husband who, knowing that he is never going to receive such compliments, is ready to fight to the death rather than have his wife enjoy the pleasure of them. Don’t go home with a black eye and torn shirt because you were trying to make conversation!

This conversation continues next week. Enjoy your weekend!