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His Domain: Mummy’s boy; is there time to cut the apron strings?
What you need to know:
This could be the worst possible moment to go after mummy’s boys, it is just a week after Mother’s Day and they are still overcome with sentiment. But then again, probably not because mummy’s boys always have their mother on a pedestal making anytime a bad time, so we just might as well address the elephant in the room. Cutting the apron string. Is there a time and when is that time?
If we are to learn anything from the play of Oedipus, the Greek mythology, it is that a mother and son relationship could get a lot scarier than calling her every day and singing her praises every waking moment. Oedipus killed his father and married his mother. While it is just mythology and the average mummy’s boy thinks it can never get to that, it reminds us that there is too much attachment, which necessitates that those strings be cut.
But Kate Stone Lombardi, a former New York Times writer and author of the book The momma’s boy myth begs to differ saying there is unfair scrutiny and bias over the mother-son relationship yet nothing of terminating any other so-called unhealthy relationship like father daughter. In a nutshell, her book says men who share a special bond with their mothers are better human beings generally less aggressive with better communication skills. She insists that the idea of suddenly cutting the apron strings at a certain age is flawed. Instead, Lombardi argues that it is only natural an adjustment will occur over time as the relationship progresses and then sons grow achieving different milestones in life. “I don’t need to know everything that goes on in his life. We are adults now,” she says of her relationship with her own son now adult, Paul with whom she admits is very close to her.
She is not the only one who seems to think so, as Jack Ntare, 30, who considers himself a mummy’s boy because he has a special bond with his mother ,says. “I wouldn’t go as far as saying she is my first love, but she is special in my life. Why should I have to change that?” he wonders. In his experience, there is simply no time you wake up and distance your mother, she is your mother, you are lucky to have her if you are an adult male. “Nature cuts the strings for you at a ripe old age I hope, so why start worrying about it now?” he quizzes.
Striking a balance
It looks like a hard concept for mummy’s boy to comprehend this cutting the apron strings. Explaining the point where you decide your mother cannot check in on you because you are not wearing a sweater doesnot help matters. The general feeling is there is no easy way around it and half the time it seems he does not even have an idea that he is being coddled. “And if he is aware,” says Jean “He does not want to lose that feeling. But I think that is when he needs to let his mother know he is a grown man, not a simpering helpless little boy.”
She echoes the feeling of a group of women who think it is never too soon to cut the apron strings. On the other side are the mothers who are reluctant of losing the son they dote on and any sign of distance is interpreted as losing her son.
David, a 40-year-old who says his mother still follows up on whether he is having correct diet going as far as sending over bowls of cooked food, believes one can be a man and a son at the same time. Why do I have to choose? He insists that it is natural that in your parent’s eyes you remain a child. “There is time you graduate from being your parents child as long as they are alive no matter how many children of your own you have,” he says. However, David notes that if one is too dependent on his mother for things like food and shelter even when an adult, there is a problem. “But I do not think it is to do with the person being a mummy’s boy, rather I think it is the son who is not able to think independently. He thinks that rather than focusing on the mistakes the mother could be making, such a man should focus on making something out of his life,” he says.
So, there seems to be not appropriate time to cut the apron strings but then there are ways to live your life as a grown man, and still accommodate your mothers relationships. Rogers Isiko, 33, says. “You cannot do anything drastic like tell her to stop, but you can good naturedly tell her you now do not need her to do some things. No mixed signals though, when you feel responsible for your life, just act like it and she will know. Mothers have a knack for these things,” he says. He adds that the stings somehow fall off or loosen and thus will not need you to cut them.
Famous mummy’s boys
A lot of famous and great men were also known mother’s boy and they had the best of both worlds. Some showed off their mom every chance they got, others sing their praises and still there are those who went ahead and literally sang the songs. Here are a few well known ones.
Elvis Presley: The famous rock legend had a legendary relationship with his mother, which he never made a secret. When she passed away he is said to have had her lay in his house till his father insisted on a funeral.
Adolf Hitler: The most famous Nazi who had a terrible relationship with his father was a known mummy’s boy. His mother doted on him and he relished it. Some speculate that this even influenced his taste in women as he was known to prefer motherly types. He carried her picture in his pocket and often gazed at it.
Bill Clinton: A former US President had no qualms answering the question “Are you a mommas boy?” on air. “Absolutely,” Clinton said. “And I still think about my mother all of the time.”
