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My friends don’t understand why I prefer dating older women
RISK. The choice of who to love is fundamental to nurturing a healthy relationship. Knowing who you are and identifying your values will determine who you choose to let into your life, writes PHILIP KITOTO.Hi Kitoto,
I am a 25-year-old man who prefers to date older women. My friends keep telling me that I’m making a mess of my life by getting into relationships with women much older than me. Unfortunately, I’ve tried to date women within my age bracket but the relationships don’t work. I feel trapped, I don’t know what is right for me anymore and it makes me feel as if I am losing my mind. I need your help.
Hi,
It has been said that love is in the eyes of the beholder. God has given each one of us the power of choice.
Basically, this enables us to choose between right and wrong, what is good for us and what is not, and what to do and what not to do. In the end, God transferred both the power of choice and the consequences of the choice made to humankind; therefore, we solely hold the power in our hands.
With this power, we sometimes make great choices, while in other moments we make choices that we live to regret.
In your situation, the most important question to ask yourself is why you prefer older women.
While some men date women for purposes of building a relationship that would lead to marriage, others do so purely for pleasure.
The reason behind your desire to get into a relationship is key in the way you go about it and who you date.
I however find it strange when one moves from one intimate relationship to another. It’s as if one has no idea what he wants in a relationship.
Vision
Dating for temporal enjoyment will only leave you hurt and disoriented.
There are many wounded individuals out there that still regret why they got into a certain relationship.
I feel that your current disorientation and confusion is the result of a lack of vision in what you are looking for.
Remember, like in personal growth, without a vision, you will wonder aimlessly.
Second is the choice of who to love. Your dilemma is whether age matters when it comes to romantic relationships. The answer is yes.
I believe age matters because there are some that prefer to have a partner that is slightly older or younger than them; therefore, the choice of who to love is fundamental to nurturing a healthy relationship.
Another factor to consider is character. Knowing who you are and identifying your values will determine who you choose to let into your life.
Objective
There are many happy men who have married older women, equally the same for happy young women that have married older men; though of course, every marriage has issues that plague it. I believe your dilemma is locked up in your vision and value system. What do you want in a relationship and later, marriage?
Nobody has a monopoly of knowledge, and there is a lot we can learn from other relationships, and just like two people are not the same, no two relationships can be the same.
My opinion is that you should not allow yourself to be too quickly swayed by what your friends think. Determine what you are looking for, and once you do, be willing to pay the price for getting it. But whatever decision you make, do not base your love relationship on worldly pleasure.
TIP
When dating older women, it’s important to bear in mind that you may be at very different stages in your lives. You might still be establishing your career, living in shared accommodation, or saving up to go travelling.
She, on the other hand, may already be settled, financially secure, maybe even a mother. This doesn’t apply to everyone, of course. But, if you are living a different lifestyle to the person you’re dating, it will likely lead to conflict. Try to establish what you’re both looking for from the relationship in the early days, so you can be sure you want the same things. -eharmony.co.uk
-Adapted from Daily Nation
