Otim is dedicated to bridging gap between sons and fathers

Like that, Otim carried both his mother and his hate for his father, wondering why someone would simply walk away from his family. For him, his mother also doubled as his dad and was immensely inspired by her hard work, resilience and sacrifice. 

“Her favourite wall hanging  read;“Today’s suffering is not permanent,” which was our daily motivation to cling on hope and go out to find the best for ourselves.”

The community in which he grew up had a blend of families; while he lived among the poorest neighbourhoods, without power, tiny single rooms and trenches close to the doorsteps of almost every house, the neighbourhood also had families that had everything.

Surviving the culture
Exposed to all kinds of ghetto hustles such as selling scrap, watching movies in local cinemas and hanging out at the local bars because of his mother’s nature of work, it was only her toughness that stopped him from falling into crime and addiction. 

“I did my best to stay away from that direction. On the other hand, I admired those that had it all; electricity, cars, toys of all kinds, clean clothes, good shoes and above it all present parents who I think were the biggest difference between us,” he recalls. 

Each time he was alone, Otim tried to make friends with rich children thus learning how to speak better English and social etiquette. 

“I had an opportunity of watching TV on their black and white screens, which helped me avoid video halls, however, often times, I felt out of place knowing there was no way we would prosper as them, and I also feared their parents,” he shares. 

He says, his toughest challenge growing up was striking a balance between those two different communities. “My poor friends were dreamers like me, whereas my rich friends were the dream. I hated the life we were living, yet, I couldn’t have the life I dreamed of. It’s like we were stuck there forever and it felt unfair yet the more I compared myself to them, the more I hated my life. Then I decided to pretend while with them that everything was okay,” Otim says. 

The comparison bothered him more with a fact that while it was his mother that toiled to put food on the table, his rich friends had present fathers, it was then that he vowed to try his best to contribute to his family’s wellbeing.

Finding Christ 
Over the time, he started going to church with a friend in 2002. It was his first time joining a community of other children to learn about different religious teachings.

“I grew up in this church making friends, some of which became solid towards the end of my high school to date. These alongside those I met during soccer became my brothers and we got saved around the same time,” Otim says.
With these, he started serving at church, going for upcountry missions and learning more about discipleship relations. It was here that Otim met many supportive mentors as well.

By 2016, he had been exposed to deeper teachings on unforgiveness and generational issues in families. “So I desired to break the negative cycle of generational issues in my family, starting with forgiving my dad. At first, I thought prayer would suffice but I later realised the need of letting him know as well that I forgave him,” he says. That is when he started looking for his father, “Calling to propose a meeting was no easy step, and I hesitated many times.”

Meeting his father
Otim’s father is a business man working in Soroti, so Otim made the journey there. While he justified his actions and the story he told was contrary to what Otim had heard from his mother and his father’s friends. Otim listened and made up his mind, not to take sides. 

“Since we didn’t know what was happening in each other’s lives, we went straight to the purpose of the meeting. At some point, I doubted if what I was doing was actually right. I was still in the process of healing, and here I was looking my father in the eye without the courage of asking him where he was in my life. I told him that  whatever happened in the past actually never broke me, but made me stronger and the type of person I had become when I became a Christian. My eyes were flooded with tears, but none could drop as I kept talking of God’s goodness in my life with my dad,” Otim shares. 

Otim was also reintroduced to his grandparents, was gifted with a chicken and they were glad he was still alive. For the first time in 20 years, Otim met his father on his birthday; December 12, 2016.

From then on, Otim has been learning about the impact absent fathers have on boys and later men. 
“All boys and men face a certain degree of sonship crisis, and I came to appreciate that unless we learn about our foundations, we will always struggle to understand life in general. My father would have been better at his role if knowledge and truth had been passed to him about being a great father. I sympathised with him as I understood that we all need help through embracing transformational truth of who we are when we become sons of God,” he says.

Family Life Network Uganda (2018) shows that only five per cent of fathers in Uganda are active in the lives of their children, 10 per cent of fathers in Uganda are unaware of the existence of children they have fathered and 30 per cent of households in Uganda are headed by women.

Noticing the problem
Through research, Otim also learnt that children raised in father-absent homes are more likely to experience behavioural problems growing up, men with absent fathers are more likely to become absentee fathers themselves, and women with absent fathers are more likely to have children with absentee fathers.

While these findings are alarming, Otim says the biggest tragedy is in the many people without a personal relationship with God, the Father. With that, he started The Dad Base initiative in July 2020, as a deep conviction, where they envision every man being restored to God’s design of sonship. “Sonship is the relationship between a son and a father, whereas fatherhood is the state of being a father. Our mission is to be the bridge between fathers and sons, discovering their God-given identity and living courageously as men,” says Otim.

Otim adds that every man has a boy in him; however, a well raised man knows how to control and tame this boy. “Today, there are so many boys in men’s bodies, who have not been raised to tame the boy inside them, so they live a cowardly life and as evidence, every social injustice in the world rotates around this problem. Additionally, if a dad is caring, patient and concerned, then children will believe God has similar characteristics and the opposite holds true when a father is harsh, judgmental or absent. A boy who longs for his absent father has a hard time seeing God as capable of filling that role; - a father’s nature provides a window through which one can experience the heart of God.”

The solution
The Dad Base was started with four other friends who have since become brothers; Christian men deliberate about sharing authentic conversations on fatherhood and sonship, becoming the redeemed sons of God, promoting masculinity, and yielding to a life fully surrendered to Christ Jesus. “We are a platform where men encourage each other, through their own life experiences of brokenness and victories, in sonship and fatherhood. We thus equip boys and men to walk proudly and courageously in wisdom, knowledge and understanding of their identity in Christ as they fulfil their purpose on earth; surrendering their past, fear, shame, guilt and pain to Him. We believe every son needs a physical father or father-figure who raises them to be men that are spiritually, physically, financially, socially and emotionally strong,” says Otim.

Working with males got from local churches, fellowships, through street evangelism and institutions of learning, they fellowship every third Saturday of the month at Bethel Youth Hub, under Bethel Youth Ministries at Makerere Kikumi-Kikumi. “We also utilise social media platforms as places where our message attracts and reaches many boys and men. That is coupled with working in partnership with Bethel Youth Ministries in Makerere and Indigenous Advance Ministries in Ntinda,” he says. 

Otim is thankful to many but his wife Joy holds a special spot saying she is a multi-gifted woman, who shares her knowledge and administrative skills to see that every step they take is well planned. “She gives us a great perspective of father absence from a woman’s lens, especially amplifying the fact that it affects girls more than boys. She is intelligent and full of wisdom. Her passion for thriving families and research has helped us keep our own mandate no matter any challenges we may face as an initiative,” he says.

While they still have a very long journey ahead because they are dealing with a generational problem of father absence, Otim says every day is like a beginning. “We delight in every step of equipping ourselves with the truth that will transform our generation and those after us,” he shares.

He adds that they intend to expand to organising boys’ retreats, more outreaches, family workshops, sonship conferences and men’s camps, to equip men with the knowledge and skills needed to make the world a better place. “We also desire to partner with churches, the government and different organisations with a similar mission to solve the father absence problem,” Otim says.

Morgan Ngambeki
The mission coordinator at The Dad Base learnt about it from Otim. “Ever since I joined the Dad Base, I have come to realise the importance of the relationship between the earthly father and son and the impact it has on the life of the son, but most importantly, the relationship between God, the Father and us as his adopted sons,” says Ngambeki.

He has come to appreciate the need to be a man of his word, an example in his walk, speech and behaviour. “I was thus challenged to pursue righteousness and build my relationship with God, my Father. The initiative has impacted him to rise up and raise an army for God; men who are authentic, redeemed, masculine, and yielding to a life fully surrendered to Christ Jesus,” he says.

James Kiyingi
A volunteer as community director at The Dad Base Kiyingi grew up with Otim in the same locality.  “However, none of us knew the deeper struggles of each other’s life, especially in regards to sonship. As he shared his story with me, I fully identified with him because my father was also not in my life, having passed away when I was three months.

At The Dad Base, I have met many men who have impacted my life through their sonship stories which has helped me grow and learn how to become a father who is visibly present in my children’s lives because some fathers are physically present but uninvolved,” he says.

Growing up with his grandmother, Kiyingi says God, and his pastors sometimes played the father role. The Dad Base has given him a great opportunity to learn the relevance of fatherhood, understand that being a father goes beyond being a male parent but being present in the development of your children, providing emotional and physical security as well as creating an environment of love for his children.

“At The Dad Base, I have learnt that I can be a father the day my son is born, but I have to refocus and tap from God’s original design in order for me to earn the title of being a Dad,” he says.

Elon Katweheyo
During his fourth year in 2013 at Kyambogo University, Elon met Otim who was in S6 vacation then. He later started a fellowship which Otim joined and also helped in naming it; Motion with Insight. Katweheyo has walked with Otim ever since then, helping him start a fellowship at UTAMU as well as start The Dad Base.

“It was just us in the beginning and later as families. Then he later shared the burden on his heart to reach out to sons without fathers and we worked through the vision and mission. I continue to attend the sessions and continue to keep in touch to follow up on what is happening.

About Otim

Growing up, Ivan Otim’s mother was a sole bread winner, selling local brew (ajono) in Banda slum in Nakawa Division to pay bills and support him and his sister. This was because their father had abandoned them when Otim was just four... The community he grew up had a blend of families; while he lived amongst the poorest neighborhoods, without power, tiny single rooms and trenches close to the doorsteps of almost every house, the neighborhood also had families that had everything.