Students of Maryhill High School and Ntare school held their prom recently. PHOTO | PATRICK SSENTONGO
A secondary school boy from Elite High School on Entebbe Road recently caused no small stir in this country when he flew his female partner in a chartered chopper for their secondary school’s prom.
The news was such a sensational hit that it attracted both flowers and frowns from the public in equal measure but to the “Hollywood” couple I guess they must have been basking in the glory that their ostentatious act generated.
In the 90s when some of us were in secondary school, this was unheard of. Tata school trucks (the same used for carrying sacks of posho, beans, and firewood) were the mode of transport for the “social” fellows.
You were lucky if that Tata were clean or in good mechanical condition on the day or you risked having your sack-sized “legeeza” greased by the oil (from a previously poor job of repairing) or painted white by the residue of the posho that was probably unwashed after a previous night of off-loading. But no one complained because the goal was to set foot in the girls’ school and get on with the dance and not how you arrived. But times have changed.
“Prom” (short for “promenade dance” or “promenade”) is a dance party for high school students usually occurring towards the end of the school year. This is the trend these days and some parents will go the full length to make sure their children have the best of the day even if it means breaking a bank.
While some people argued that the parents of the boy were right to provide for their son with such an over-the-top extravagant experience, others think it is ridiculous, inappropriate, and perhaps vulgar.
One such person who was stunned was no less than John Chrysostom Muyingo, the State Minister for Higher Education in the Ugandan cabinet. He is quoted to have remarked, “Are these things happening in Uganda? Where are we going?” “Money is a scarce resource; it shouldn’t be given out and spent like that.” He even went as far as proposing that the school be investigated.
As a parent, you can be torn between providing your child with an unforgettable and unique experience and teaching them valuable life lessons. How far should you go on balancing this act? Could this have been done differently? Here are some thoughts:
Parents could have pooled resources
In this era where parents and children must pull out all stops to outdo everyone with glitz and glam aesthetics, it may sound ancient and probably rigid to suggest that parents pool resources for the common benefit of more than their child.
I remember a time back in school when we had shortage of textbooks. One parent came up with the idea that each parent buys a particular textbook. They all did.
In one term, our class had more textbooks than we were willing to read! In the same way, parents can pull resources together (some in kind, some in cash) so they are shared across board by their children without some children feeling inferior to others. This fosters a sense of inclusiveness and community.
Parents need to build character in their children
This could not have been done that day but earlier because it is part of the parenting process. A parent can be rich and still teach their child character and hard work.
And they don’t have to be misers to do this. For example, if a parent has a furniture workshop, they can allow their kids to work there and pay them as a reward for their labour but also as a lesson that money does not grow on trees.
That is what Indians do. They will run a business and have their children involved so that even when the parents are gone, the children can continue to run the business. That is the reason why Indian businesses last for more generations than ours.
Jacinta, a single mother, businesswoman and mother of three girls, says, “I consider myself rich to some degree. We have enough to live on and spare. I would have gladly paid for a chopper for my child without breaking a sweat but one thing I have taught my children is modesty and frugality. My girls know when to splurge and when to save. When this video went out, I asked each one of them if they would put their money into hiring a chopper and their straight answer was “NO”.
First, they reasoned that they had flown before so a chopper was below their motivational requirements but secondly and most importantly they thought the benefit of it was less important than the sense of shared community. That is when I knew, I had built character in my children.”
Parents should talk to their children
When our time to have prom came (we called them “social” then), I asked for permission from our school administration and went to visit my mother at her workplace.
I was one of those kids who did not fancy proms. My mother did well not to force me into it and I appreciated her for that. But even for a child who fancies proms, parents should engage them. What does prom mean to them? What are their expectations? How should they behave around the opposite sex? I know some parents would cringe from such a conversation let alone bring it up but that is exactly what makes you a parent: holding tough conversations with your child.
In all this, listen and guide your child. Samson, a counsellor and father to 16-year-old Ivan, says, “I for one do not like the idea of prom and did not want my son to go for it but when he said he wanted to go, I listened. I heard him out.
We agreed on both the financial and moral boundaries to exercise. Everything went well. I think I have taught my children some bit of freedom to grow up with independent minds because they are different people from me.”
In conclusion, if the school administration and parents did their roles well, there would not be a need to worry about the children because the children would make the right decision.
Two Cents…
School administration should have set standards
Last year, a parent gifted their child a money bouquet of Shs50,000 notes as motivation to excel in their final exams. Guns came out blazing from all corners of public opinion as to the sanity of this parent and the kind of child they are raising.
Now, you may brush this off and not care a damn thing what everyone else thinks but you may appreciate the wisdom in some schools that insist children must have hair or skirts of a particular length and pocket money of so much.
The whole idea is to get children in a school to be at the same level of economic well-being. In the same way, Elite High School should have set standards of what is generally acceptable for students on that day.
Zalwango, a mother of two adolescent boys agrees, “Our Islamic school had strict academic and social standards. While I did not appreciate them then, I appreciate them now. Call me “old school” I don’t care but you cannot just allow anything in a school just because it is prom. These are children, for crying out loud. They are barely out of their diapers. Unfortunately, some schools are destroying our kids in the name of freedom.”
