Successful relaxation is key

It is almost the end of the year, so good for you if you are among the lucky few who will be taking a holiday. Did you know, though, that you can go for a holiday and come out of it seven times more stressed than you started? True story! But that is why you have me, brethren, to help you have the most relaxing holiday yet.

To have a non-stressful holiday, the first thing you need to do is book it nine months in advance.

The minute January begins, scrape the bottom of your coffers and make the first down payment for your holiday in October. There is no point holidaying in December, when the beaches are so full of people you cannot see the sand. Leave the madding crowds behind and book your holiday for October, that is my first tip. 

Tip number two— who you go with matters. This is why I advise you, if you are a parent, to leave your children behind when you go for your October holiday. ‘Children’ and ‘holiday’ are two incompatible terms, remember that.

Where children are present, there is no holiday. For holiday to be fully present, there must be no children.

Simple! The best companion for your holiday is actually yourself. Yourself will not constantly be disturbing you to wake up early to do touristy things when all you want to do is sleep. Yourself will not develop an acute case of diarrhoea on Day Two after trying out the most exotic item on the menu (against your wise counsel), thus forcing you to cut short your holiday.

Yourself will respect your personal space and not wear you out with constant chit-chat. I highly recommend Yourself as the ideal holiday companion. 

My last tip —turn your phone off. I know you think that if you are not reachable you will die but I promise you, you will live. Are you the president? Are you the leader of the UN? If the answer to these questions is ‘No’ then please switch off you phone and rest. (Hopefully you won’t use this as an excuse to run away from your creditors.)

Enjoy your holiday!