Prime
Used items for sale
Author, Stella Riunga Rop.
What you need to know:
- They are not cheap, but considering their original prices, they’re not too expensive.
I’ve recently found a new hobby. Don’t worry, it’s not a sport, ha ha ha! My new hobby is looking for second-hand items for sale on online marketplace groups, mostly on Facebook. I like the expat marketplaces best, where you can find all kinds of interesting and beautiful items that expatriates are in a hurry to sell as they leave the country.
They are not cheap, but considering their original prices, they’re not too expensive. In fact, if I had the money I’d never buy furniture from a fundi again (a venture that always ends in tears). I’d buy every single item from an expat marketplace! The descriptions are also very honest: ‘Chipped but in good condition’ ‘Might need repair’ and so on.
And that got me wondering what my descriptions for the following items (even people!) would be if I tried to sell them or give them away.
Husband for sale or give away
Condition: Slightly used-5 years. Ears partially functional. Does not respond to instructions such as “Please water the flowers” or “Wash all the dishes.” Visually impaired, unable to see dirt and grime. Prefers to dress in monochromatic colours. Very good at driving under extreme pressure with tiny PDDCs (Permanently Dissatisfied and Demanding Customers i.e. children) at the back.
For optimal output, feed chapatti once a week and cake fortnightly. Battery winds down at exactly 10 pm. Restart manually at 6 am. daily.
Car for sale
Condition: Used. Manual transmission. Manufactured just before Independence.
Low fuel consumption. Bright, striking colour— you will always know where you have parked. Does not start on cold mornings— just call five neighbours, give a little push and she’s good to go. Manual— do not operate on steep slopes if you do not want to carry her on your back. Easy to operate if not a cold morning and when not on a steep slope. Responds to the name ‘Doreen’.
Knee joints for sale
Condition: Used-30+ years
Creaky in the early mornings and during the cold season. Wide range of sound effects when sitting, standing, kneeling or squatting. Will need replacement.
Enjoy your second hand items this weekend!
