Lawmakers bicker over presidential handshake

Remember that tongue twister from primary school, ‘man made money and money made man mad’? On the members WhatsApp group, money, just the talk of it, makes MPs worked up. Like an idle joke that turned into an agenda…
Kivumbi: I was driving to Mbale the other day and I noticed that my friend Katuntu’s roadside mini-complex is wearing a new coat of paint that comes with a telecom package. He must be smiling all the way to the bank as his January blues have been sorted.
Okwir: Just cut to the chase, please.
Ecweru: A telecom firm painted his roadside shack; he probably got some free airtime as a bonus for advertising the telecom on his shack.
Mpuuga: Why do I think Ecweru is too brittle here?
Anite: So what, every other day roadside buildings are painted by advertisers from detergents to telecoms and even sanitary pads.
Lubwama: Exactly. Now I wonder what that has got to do with his January blues. How does painting your muzigo end your wallet woes?
Kibalya: Lubwama, as the resident ATM, you should be aware of this basic fact.
Anite: What fact, good people?
Kivumbi: The fact that you are entitled to some pay for allowing advertisers turn your building into their billboards.
Anite: Meaning?
Lubwama: I am also lost.
Mpuuga: What haven’t you read up there? It’s clearly written that for any company to paint your house in their colours, you can demand payment. We expect Katuntu to have ‘eaten.’
Katuntu: Actually, I wasn’t even paid a coin.
Lubwama: This sounds like a skit. Since when has this been? If they are painting your house, shouldn’t it be free?
Katuntu: Bwana Lubwama, that is just a longstanding cancer of ignorance among the people. There is a legalese for it but I don’t want you to run mad trying to pronounce it when the New Year just clocked.
Munyagwa: Hahaha, Lubwama has suffered.
Lubwama: I will ignore that joke, but really, so all I need is to build a house near a road and then a telecom company will come and pay me to put there a few words and their colour?
Fungaroo: As long as you don’t construct in the road reserve.
Mwesige: Actually, our people need enlightenment in that respect. Many people just get excited and feel privileged to have their buildings given fresh paint and don’t even demand their dues from these advertisers.
Anite: But is it in the law?
Munyagwa: What is the law here?
Kadaga: Lubwama, now do you see why you need to interact more with your constituents?
Ecweru: Our resident ATM is missing bonus.
Ssemujju: Talking of bonus, there is this bunch of peculiar Ugandans who shared Shs6 billion of the taxpayers sweat.
Wakabi: Ugandans have no shame. Why would someone claim “presidential handshake” for doing a job they are paid for?
Lubwama: Who was paid what and why?
Ecweru: Lubwama seems to be so stressed up by the impending court case against his election that he doesn’t follow news.
Mbogo: Some chaps just decided that winning a case against Tullow Oil in Britain was worth Shs6 billion in bonus payment for themselves.
Nsereko: We must get to the bottom of this. Wastage of taxpayer’s money cannot be allowed to go on like that. The economy is not doing well.
Ssekikubo: Shs6 billion could help Makerere University operate without a strike for two years or build three regional hospitals.
Fungaroo: Or even buy Ssekandi more of those coats of many colours. But guys, why pretend to wail wolf now?
Katali: What do you mean crying wolf? The whole thing amounts to abuse of public funds. Someone has to answer for this.
Ssemujju: I just love this mental constipation. Just a few months back, the same people now pretending to attack the bonus issue were the ones who kept the House business in check over allowances and decision not to tax themselves.
Lubwama: I knew he would be talking like that. As for me, I just wish I had been on that team. I have bad luck, all money deals happen where I am not at.
Mwesige: I hope you have read the presser from URA.
Tumwebaze: I am not surprised. These guys make noise over everything the president does.
Fungaroo: So what happens if police decide to reward themselves with all the Fika Salama ticket fines?
Nabakooba: Don’t even go there.
Munyagwa: So when is our next bonus for passing a Bill?
Obua: Let’s just draft a law that allows us to take bonuses every time we pass a Bill or complete a session without Otafiire, Ali or Ssekandi sleeping.
Franca: Hahaha, go slow there, we don’t want dust at this point.
Mafabi: The big issue is, why is it that every shady undertaking in this country has the president’s thumbprint on it? Now I hear it’s called ‘presidential handshake’, how far will this country stoop before it realises that the sun is setting on its people?
Tumwebaze: Go and do something tangible and you will be rewarded. Stop whining like a divorced village woman.
Katuntu: And this kind of talk, you expect a response from any sane individual?
Fungaroo: I just pray the ICC thing comes to reality.
Mwijukye: Of course, the people of Kasese should tighten the noose.
Karooro: The day dreamers are back in full force. Happy New Year and more such dreams in 2017 as we build the nation.

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