Mystery woman asks MPs to grill Bobi over low nsenene volume

“The legislators on the Agriculture committee should stop sleeping on the job and summon Mr Bobi Wine to explain,” she said.

After getting no response from me, she leaned forward and shook me. 
“Are you sleeping already?” she asked.
“I’m really tired, let me rest a bit,” I said.

“What’s wrong with you people?” she fired back with frustration. “This is a matter of national importance; this is nsenene, the economy itself. I hear ‘I’m tired, let me rest a bit’ and then tomorrow you blame the President for the rise in fuel prices.”

I half opened my left eye and saw her eyebrows twitch menacingly close to my skin. Spooky. For a moment, I thought I was seeing a giant nsenene staring into my soul. I jumped with a start.

But there was nothing. Not even in the phone where I only found many GIFs sent as a reaction to another GIF in my old school alumni WhatsApp group. I closed my eyes again and I think that is where the problem came from.

I don’t like dreams that continue from where they break off and this one was one such. The antennae-eyebrowed woman was back. She had a story tip.

“Ugandans were catching an average of two billion nsenene per night every May and December of a calendar year – you can confirm this with Ubos if you think I’m joking,” she said.

“Ubos took interest in recording the volume because nsenene was creating jobs. This was until 2018, when Bobi Wine started jumping around.”
She said Bobi Wine had scared off the nsenene, costing millions of youth and women both livelihood and income from the ‘green money.’

“So we must let the world know that while the NRM government came with nsenene from the bush, it is Bobi Wine who has scared away these insects to deprive the people of delicacy and income,” the woman said.
She then beckoned at someone and, from behind her, emerged a familiar face. The man had a ‘No Problem’ bag tucked under his left armpit and held a chaff of papers.

Where had I seen this one now? That tired jacket that sagged like the hanging roots of banyan fig tree was also familiar. 
The woman saved the day.

“You must know him, counsel. He was going to sue government because a bomb in a bus did not even leave a stain and that the President had all the names of suicide bombers and their plot but still could not stop the nefarious act,” she said in my dream.

Mabirizi, she added, had been diverted from going to court with “such nonsense” and will now go with something that is of interest to all citizens.

Reading from one of the papers, the maverick lawyer with a penchant for suing quoted Bobi Wine in what he said was a preface to a photography book by an Italian chap called Sibiloni. The book is titled ‘Nsenene.’
He read: “As kids, we used to catch the insects and fry them up for our morning or evening tea. It wasn’t until I reached the age of 15 or 16 that I realised this was a business opportunity.

“I recorded my first single – and made my first million – with grasshopper money. It paid my brother’s school fees and the family’s bills, too. That’s why I revere these insects: grasshoppers changed my life.”
Mabirizi rolled his eyes and said that was enough evidence to convince court that Bobi Wine was sabotaging the nsenene season. The woman nodded.