Satire: Have we Put the Cranes in a fix before their matches?

Yes, I always tell the truth by accident, but make no mistake, it’s time to celebrate – we are going to the World Cup in 2026 with Magogo-Put magic - whatever the haters say. 

As soon as Fufa announced Belgian Paul Put as the new Cranes head coach, haters went into overdrive that nearly choked the turbines at Owen Falls Dam or Nalubaale-something.

The haters pulled all sorts of archived content written by people who did not understand how Paul Put things in motion when he coached teams like Guinea, Burkina Faso and Lierse.

Paul was Put on a three-year ban in Belgium (until 2011) after being found guilty of fixing two matches while manager of Pro-League side Lierse.

The Guinean football federation then Put Paul on a life ban for breaching their ethics when he led the nation at the 2019 Africa Cup of Nations.

But let’s be honest here. I will reluctantly convince all that Put did not fix his appointment as Cranes’ coach as much as we can’t help it.

Thing is, we need Uganda at the World Cup by hook or crook. The hook failed with Micho’s sore football. Now you want us togoingewa? 

Do we want to play at the World Cup or to go to heaven? Pick a struggle, prizzz!

We must go to the World Cup in the USA, Mexico and Canada by hook or crook. we need a fixer for good measure. The how shouldn’t make us lose sleep as long as we are the beneficiaries.

Going to the World Cup will mean more tickets for Uganda, obviously. Are you thinking what I am thinking?

As fate would have it, in two weeks, Uganda will play Guinea. I don’t know if this coincidence was Put into consideration but it surely smells like roses. Or whatever gambling halls smell like.

Imagine, for a moment, that on Friday, November 17, Guinea skipper Nabyl Keita deliberately handles the ball in the box to gift the Cranes a penalty. The Guinean FA smells a rat and begins to fear that the match has been fixed.

Paul Put-s his favoured penalty taker but the fellow skews the ball toward the corner spot instead. This time Ugandans begin to cork their eyes and wonder if old habits have refused to die.

However, their fears are Put to rest as Serhou Guirassy, a hotshot in the Bundesliga with VFB Stuttgart, powers in a header past Lassana Diakhaby in his own goal.

Cranes win, we get our tickets (okay, some Ugandans get), Guinea FA protest… I really don’t care. We’ve tried since God-knows-when to qualify for the biggest sporting event in the world but wapi.

We thought it was Zico but he retired. Then we feared Pele was too much. He left the stage. Came Diego Maradona and we decided we could not compete even as Roger Milla and Cameroon showed us we could.

Diego has been gone for long, even Beckenbauer left the stage for Romario, Zidane, the real Ronaldo, Dinho and others. Yet we still had our feet in ice.

Finally, the other Ronaldo came and has been failing and now Messi has quenched his thirst. What more is left but for Uganda to be there and partake in the holy grail?

We need to Put our trust in Paul. And we don’t have to worry about tickets if we qualify. One knows how to buy, the other how to sell. This is a great deal!

Football is not played on the pulpit. Sometimes to get Zari, you have to first meet Grace. 

Just don’t ask me who Grace is, focus on the football side of the coin because there is a sweet farce playing out in our face.