Satire: Historical Fufa chief shows why he is top dollar value

But such mountains do not exist in Uganda.
The trio was taken back to train with their club, Kampala Queens. That’s such an historical decision, I tell you. If you are confused, here is the juice: Kampala Queens is owned by the Historical Fufa president.

Yes, some of you with inverted brain cells will now start saying the Historical Fufa president is not patriotic.

It is such basement reasoning that explains why we are admiring the level of game exhibited by those women at the Fifa World Cup. We can’t go anywhere in football unless we get to grips with the fact that a national team can never be greater than a club.

Let’s see this example. The national men’s team, the Cranes, always goes around with Namutima-something in which they play idlers in the countryside. The other day they lost to some hunters whose only fitness is derived from shouting at malnourished dogs to chase after edible rats.

The message is that playing for the national team will never take you anywhere if you cannot even impress upon village hunters who roll up their trousers to play football. People need to focus on their club career when they join the Historical Fufa’s president’s team. 

After doing well there, one day the entire team will be given the national jerseys and taken to represent Uganda in international tournaments. Only when we have come to this will these girls really benefit and that is not far from now.

If you accuse me of putting ideas into the head of the Historical Fufa president, then I will plead very guilty here. We need to stop pretending to be daft because we are truly daft.

Otherwise, if we had a brain cell that still sits upright in the head, we should have long realised that there should be only one team in the national women’s topflight league.

Currently, there is the Queen and its 15 bridesmaids. Every girl in the top division league who shows a semblance of football brain is quickly taken to play for the Queens. And that is how it should be.

The 15 bridesmaids only exist to keep the Queens company. Initially, the idea was for the Caf executive to appreciate women football development in the country.

However, after a bunch of retards in Caf defenestrated the Historical Fufa president from his Exco seat, it is becoming increasingly clear that there are fewer people to appease anymore. 

We had thought of climbing up to Zurich where, as a Fifa Council Member, we would convince the bald man in Fifa to make it so that every federation that can afford to print its own national uniform from their Nasser Road should play in an expanded World Cup.

Yes, it would only take a Historical Fufa president to bring to the attention of Fifa that the World Cup is supposed to be played by every team in the world.

That’s what world means really. We can’t keep calling it the World Cup when only 32 teams get to enjoy. Football isn’t a Nato conference where Ukraine is locked out.

We are tired of seeing USA, Germany, Brazil and Japan enjoy everything in women’s football and then call it the World Cup. And now that the Historical Fufa president cannot get on the Fifa Council, we need to turn to Parliament and make things work.
We must ensure that the Kampala Queens become the national team. Then we summon the bald man in Fifa to come and explain why Kampala Queens, who would have done better than Zambia and Morocco, aren’t playing in the World Cup.

*Disclaimer: This is a parody column