Satire: Toko is right, ex-speakers deserve more

After our benevolent Speaker AAA decided that some idle billions of shillings can be used to humour former speakers of Parliament with new wheels, I saw some Ugandans who move around with flea for brain cells make so much noise.

Some even said the money should have been used to fix potholes in the capital and such things. But only Toko appeared to understand the pain AAA went through in coming up with such a novel noble idea.

Toko says one new car every five years is a joke. That we should be able to afford one annually. When you look at the state of the roads, you will agree with Toko.

AAA is such a humble patriot. She must have put the pain of taxpayers in consideration because, surely, even a miser knows that Gen Moses Ali would do with a copter or two.

Or maybe AAA just wanted to spite these guys. How do you gift someone with cars a car? At this rate we shouldn’t be shocked if she rolled down a red carpet as gift for Ssekandi someday, knowing very well that the man who carries kavera on a trip to US has acute phobia for carpets.

Imagine buying someone like yours truly a gift and it is a newspaper. How would that make sense? A car for Kadaga? 

Anyway, it is Christmas, that day when I get to be alone, the only day I drink some. And cry, too.
Every Christmas, the lady of the home goes home. She takes the kids with her. Then she sends a truckload of food. All tribes of it. Alone, I binge on Korean series and the food. Then I buy Malwa for a retro as I roll back the years to the 80s.

I used to want wine but AAA has decreed that we fund cars for people who have cars. Now that means more frugality.

Robbed of a cool 35k
The last time I bought wine, I collapsed. I had never known a mere bottle of a drink would cost so much. Believing the last zero was after a decimal point, I had walked home with Gilbeys or something like that. I still get the chills when I think about its name alone.

I paid using my ATM card. It was only while home that the bank SMS hit the phone. I had been robbed of a cool 35k franc. Enough money to buy a goat or even make Sheila dress up.

Since then, I do malwa, the African wine, every Christmas. I play Pepe Kalle and Pat Shange and such stuff. Only difference is that I play them over some app and not a cassette with blinking bright lights around its speakers.
And tomorrow, we go again. The perfect day to cry as I think of AAA and her cronies. 
It’s Kirisimasi. Eat, drink and cry.

Happy holiday! 

*This is a parody column