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They gave us Football Made in Germany, we have given them Nyanzi, Kakwenza
What you need to know:
Flying the flag: Instead of sending our daughters to the Middle East, we need to groom more Nyanzis and Kakwenzas and send them out of this upside country armed with Gaga and Freaky data bundles to go and make a name for us in the outside countries.
According to ravings on Twitter, exiled novelist Kakwenza Rukirabashaija is an explorer in Germany but even those who confess to knowing what this exploration is all about, such Urn of White Head, have not indicated whether he is a missionary explorer.
As Urn of White Head said so many things about Kakwenza, a bevy of beauties on social media, led by – yes, you guessed right, women – uploaded his photos on their profile and defended his right to use his pen to any willing piece of paper and write his story for the global audience.
Now, while I love pun, any indication of such in this column is purely accidental. If you asked me – or that man Terrence Howard for that matter – the laws of hydrogen geometry dictates that a pen must only write when held vertically.
Now let’s move on from pen and paper, after all, everyone uses it – even Maow did that when making things official with the feline the other day.
Long before some charlatans came up with the pay-per-view television concept, our legendary UTV was broadcasting Football Made in Germany. The Transtel production would be on our grainy black and white tellies two weeks after the likes of Andy Moller, Oliver Kahn and Jay-Jay Okocha had played the actual games. But we did not care, really.
Football Made in Germany made so many Ugandans growing up at the time fall in love with the European nation of Germany. We just found ourselves supporting Die Mannschaft fervently and Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund and Kaiserslautern became household clubs.
And when it was not Football Made in Germany, there was Die Didi Show or Didi’s Comedy. Created by Dieter Hallervorden, this comedy was worth a barter trade.
Nearly 30 years after the 90s era of Didi’s Comedy and Football Made in Germany, our turn to reciprocate Germany’s entertainment came and we sent them Stella Nyanzi and Kakwenza. Yes, Football Made in Germany was full of celebrated footballers and World Cup winners and Didi’s Comedy was award winning.
In return, our own Nyanzi and Kakwenza are also award-winning writers. Unlike what Germany gave us, we are actually giving them a better value for entertainment. Just look for Urn of White Head on Twitter and see how her tweets have gone viral. Then look up Nyanzi.
As a nation, we should really be proud that our scholar is showing the Germans how to invest in discussing sex on social media at a time when even Bad Black has taken a backseat and Zari is isn’t in our face. The labour externalisation department should take keen interest in this.
Instead of sending our daughters to the Middle East, we need to groom more Nyanzis and Kakwenzas and send them out of this upside country armed with Gaga and Freaky data bundles to go and make a name for us in the outside countries.
The days when two consenting adults had their passion and we kept quiet should be a thing of the past. In an era of reciprocating Football Made in Germany and Didi’s Comedy, the economy can make some good Diaspora remittances from promoting passionate discussion about who impregnated who.
As long as we don’t hear that Nyanzi’s acrid tweets are the reason Peruth Chemutai wilted in Oregon, or that Maow came out of the closet looking like a mascot, then all should be well.
The Germans are proud of us, so proud they might even ask us to send them Maow and everyone else who thinks we should effectively forget the famine in Karamoja and the biting commodity prices just to attune our minds to another consenting adult giving in to…
