Prime
Paternity tests are printed on paper but parental love is imprinted on the heart
Mr Daniel K. Kalinaki
What you need to know:
- Now that they cost less than a meal for two in a nice restaurant, every child whose forehead doesn’t resemble that of their forefathers, or whose skin complexion looks a bit off is a candidate for a DNA test.
Technology has disrupted many industries. Email killed letter-writing and the postage stamp industry. Social media are rocking mainstream media. With mobile phones the sales of cameras, radio sets, thermometers, compasses and all manner of devices have slumped. Artificial intelligence is threatening entire careers.
Now technology appears set to disrupt an industry at the very core of humanity – the family – by enabling and sparking a crisis of confidence in children’s paternity.
DNA testing has many wonderful benefits. Criminals who leave their DNA at crime scenes or on their victims can be hunted down many decades later.
It can help identify the remains of people killed in plane crashes and fires and even help the development of drugs to target genetic disorders.
But advances in the technology, coupled with its more widespread availability and affordability, now also allow for off-the-shelf paternity tests. When the tests were still expensive and hard to obtain, they were limited to high-stakes inheritance disputes and often at the direction of court.
Now that they cost less than a meal for two in a nice restaurant, every child whose forehead doesn’t resemble that of their forefathers, or whose skin complexion looks a bit off is a candidate for a DNA test.
The tables have turned. Men, used to being guilty until proven innocent for all manner of misdemeanours, used to sleep in the take-off position with one leg on the floor. Now women perch on bed edges all night long, and stiffen in fright every time the men toss and turn.
Children’s hair and nails are now more heavily guarded than family land titles. When men offer to pick the kids up from school or drop them off to football, many women are suddenly finding slots in their busy schedules to do it. Anything to keep the men away from being alone with the kids, or long enough for them to swing by the DNA test centres. This panic is not helped by widely repeated stories of men running tests and finding that none of their assumed children are theirs.
I wouldn’t be surprised to find young kids being abandoned outside testing centres to go and find their real fathers. Men are trash but, apparently, many women are full of trash. It is funny, but also deeply sad.
The evolutionary instinct to pass on our genes is one major reason why animals, including humans, have offspring and remain attached to them. Nurturing someone else’s genes is, from this perspective, a fool’s errand. Inversely, having others raise yours is like winning the evolutionary lottery.
This is what makes this subject complex and emotive. It is possible that in future, DNA testing could become a routine part of the post-natal childcare, like immunisation.
Yet one wonders how many women will survive the pressure of balancing the difficulty of pregnancy with the potential stigma of knowing that it is not over when the baby cries, but when the fat lady in the DNA test centre sings and signs off on paternity.
We could go from couples working together to welcome their babies, to women dealing with pregnancy alone as suspects and only being acquitted after being proven innocent by DNA test results. Families, dating and relationships as we know them will never be the same!
It need not be that way, though. People who seek DNA tests usually have underlying reasons for suspecting the paternity of their children. For instance, if your big eyes, dark blue skin and short spiky hair run through the family like a generational curse, it is a good idea to check if Nsubuga junior rolls around the crib with slit-eyes, curly hair and pink skin crying “ni hao” and asking for stir-fry noodles. Those carrying around well-thumbed purses full of reasonable doubts, or who wish to play Russian roulette with their emotions are free to pull this trigger.
If you think the kids aren’t alright, the kids are probably not alright. For many, it might be easier, simpler and less troubling to have faith in the law of averages, and in their partners and their kids, and accept them without the imprimatur of a DNA test certificate.
When your child tells you that they love you, you ordinarily do not ask them to prove it. If you need proof to love them then you probably need to check; paternity tests are printed on paper, but parental love is imprinted on the heart.
Many men will raise children who are not theirs. But the world is round and has no escape hatch, so inevitably, some of the same men will have their children raised by other men. Some closets are better left unopened.
Mr Kalinaki is a journalist and poor man’s freedom fighter.
[email protected]
Twitter: @Kalinaki
