Prime
Barbie might be a good example, but not all rastas end up like Bobi
MP Bobi Wine puts sun glasses on Barbie Kyagulanyi his wife before he was sworn in. Photo by Michael Kakumirizi
Dear Mr Nkera,
I must confess I don't read your articles often, my Friday schedule often doesn't allow it but thank you for your contribution to journalism in Uganda. I took time to read your piece in the Daily Monitor of July 7, titled "How to be... the virtuous Barbie Kyagulanyi" for obvious reasons and found it of great interest. I would like to clarify that I'm a mother to a teenage daughter which might explain why these sorts of issues always catch my attention.
I am a feminism advocate. I am deeply concerned with the current wave that misunderstands it and has created their own misandry-filled version of it but in principle, I think feminism is one of the most important and most progressive phenomena in the world today. I applaud your praise of Ms Kyagulanyi for being a go-getter.
This is an important message for our young women today. It could be your style of writing but it was impossible not to pick up the disdain you have for women who don't provide for themselves. Your message was relevant, but your delivery was dripping with contempt. The women who ascribe to the "my man has to provide for me" mentality are a product of this patriarchal society. Many likely grew up in households where their fathers were the sole bread winners so they don't know much better and don't have much ambition of their own besides finding themselves a rich man. It's unfortunate but not without background. They are simply doing what they have seen growing up and what they perceive to be the best means of survival for themselves and their offspring.
Is it important to raise the issue? Absolutely.
Should we mock them as we go about it? It's best not to. When people feel attacked they tend to get on an automatic defensive and shut you out. My assumption is this isn't your intention.
My major issue is with the "Ride or Die" part of your piece. Mr Kyagulanyi has attained great success. It's important to note however that most young men who start out the same way he did more often than not don't amount to much. He is, without doubt, one in a million. Most young aspiring musicians from humble backgrounds will never have their work see the light of day. They wind up wasting their life away dreaming about what most times doesn't come to pass. If I had a million shillings for every domestic worker I've employed who dreamed of a career in the arts, I'd be quite a bit richer.
Again, this could be the teenage girl's mother speaking but there is nothing wrong with a young woman having standards and desiring what is best for her. Ms Kyagulanyi clearly took a chance on a man she loved despite the odds and in her unique case, it paid off. There was always a very strong likelihood however, that this beautiful story would turn out very differently. The choice to take a chance on him was a personal one, as should always be the case for any woman in a similar position.
What isn't right though, is to encourage impressionable young women to take chances on men who don't seem to be headed for success or in the same breath, to judge women who exercise more discretion in their choice of a mate. Many of the world's richest people didn't attain formal education. That doesn't mean we encourage our children to go the same route. It is prudent for a young woman to seek out a man who has the greatest potential to be a good life-long mate. Logically this involves establishing that he can take care of himself to start with and then that he has the capacity to be a good husband and father.
I'll emphasise that the qualities of a good potential husband and father aren't limited to his ability to provide. My firm belief is that both mother and father should make contributions to their households and that the partnership should be equal. Women should strive to achieve their maximum potential so that they too can make a meaningful contribution to families beyond the roles of home-maker and child-bearer. Women are so much more than these limiting labels that society has placed on them. And I ask, sir, that when you're bringing this issue to the fore front, you address it with more understanding and less judgement. You make many valid points but your diction is riddled with such disgust that those aspects wind up sounding louder than the important messages you are conveying.
As for being an exemplary family woman, I don't know this for certain since my social media interaction is quite limited and Twitter-skewed but if she is indeed all you say she is, more power to her and all the other family women in our society. Do I respect Ms Kyagulangyi? Of course. She's obviously an incredible strong and smart young woman. Would I be happy to see my daughter in about 10 years get into "ride or die" mode for an aspiring musician who smokes marijuana and is rumoured to live a reckless lifestyle like many entertainers do? Would I be pleased if she got an infant-sized tattoo of her man on her body? My resounding response is NO.
Undoubtedly Mr. Kyagulangyi is a strong reminder that people are multi-layered and that it's important not to judge them too quickly. He is truly an impressive individual and I wish him the very best in his new political endeavours. I'm just trying to be the voice of reason for the Ugandan teenage girl because she is such an important part of the future of this country.
