Dealing with violence may require increased focus on mental health

The tragic death of Rebecca Cheptegei and all others whose lives end because of intimate partner violence is a stark reminder for us that no one is safe. There are so many forms of violence against innocent people everywhere.

This culture of violence has never been given the attention it deserves in many countries. Of all these, the most difficult for authorities to deal with is intimate partner violence. This is because the issues tend to go unnoticed and rarely in the purview of people beyond the parties involved, family and friends.

There have been many cases of prominent people who were covered by the press, usually when it is too late. That is a reminder that many more cases of people outside the purview of the press or the authorities occur daily without the world getting to know about them.

Cheptegei was a champion. And her life ended in a senseless fashion. It is heartbreaking.

At what point would a partner know that their person harbours such hatred for them they could be the ones ending their lives? How do most people lose sight of the moments when things go south and sour in a relationship? Or do they get to know but keep hoping that things may change?

These are important questions. In the case of intimate partner violence, one is their first security. Outside parties get involved often when it is too late.

The laws we have to protect people are often rendered inactive, because reporting issues of violence are complicated, for most people. They try to deal with it. Typically, like most social issues, the best and first medicine is awareness of danger, that allows would be victims to take action before it is too late.

Everyday people may recognise aggression and hostility towards them, for various reasons. Often not because they have done something wrong, but when they become part of a perception that they are a problem or standing in the way of the aggressors. One must take precautions and document as much as possible, study the patterns and report to someone in either security or an authority of some sort.

Most people fail to see the subtle signs of aggression and hostility, especially when dealing with people who have narcissistic behaviour or for some reason may have mental issues that are difficult to detect. They may offer warnings that people around them ignore and yet should never be taken lightly.

Many people encounter violence and ignore all the signs visible to them. By the time someone plots to end your life and chooses the methods, like going to buy petrol and quietly sneaking into your house, set you ablaze, they must have shown some signs of deep-seated hate or anger. Yet, these are easy to miss as well.

Never ignore signs of aggression or even quiet hostility. Take steps to engage those perpetuating it if the circumstance allows for it. Should the circumstance not allow, ensure third parties are aware of what is going on. Having someone else confront them about their aggression may be useful. Other people may be very violent towards other people unconsciously, especially if they have conditions that even they may not be aware of.

We all encounter some form of violence. A little over a month ago, I was driving into town, joining Kampala Road from Entebbe Road. It was 10 minutes to 7am. I stopped at the traffic lights just by Absa Bank, opposite Housing Finance. A man walked toward me, unkempt and dirty, carrying a sack. 

I tried not to look at the man. But he came and knocked on my window, co-driver’s side. I continued to look at the lights. Then he signalled for me to lower my window and give him something to eat. I ignored. In a split second, the man’s eyes turned really maddening, warning me of sorts. And within a second or two, my driving mirror was gone. I was numb.

It was the look he gave me that still scares me. In no time, the man who looked every inch harmless and just hungry, had managed to transform into an extremely skillful car part remover, just in time before the lights turned green.

The point is, most times we cannot recognise the harm in our way. Violence comes dressed as many things. Sometimes it is dressed as loving partners, other times as people just trying to get something to eat. What is crucial is to never let down your guard, and keep drawing the boundaries. 

We pray for Cheptegei’s family in this difficult time.

Ms Emilly Comfort Maractho (PhD) is an academic. [email protected]