Follow your heart to stay in the game

The greatest leadership challenge we all face is that of leading ourselves and yet, unless we master self-leadership, we will not be able to lead others effectively.

As we continue the series on questions to use to advise the youth in the decision-making phase, this week we tackle the integrity question, which is ‘how honest are we with ourselves?’

In a world where societal expectations, plus external validations, threaten to silence our voices of truth, it sometimes gets hard to stay true to what the heart may be leading one to and yet it is only when we remain true to ourselves and committed to our respective callings that we can stay in the game and avoid wearing out. 

When it comes to the decision-making process, a lack of candour usually results in us not owning the results of the decision and this in most cases affects us negatively.

I think of a young person entering adulthood and wanting to fit in a group. They know too well what road to take and yet the fact that they desire to belong, they go against what their heart may be calling them too. And yet, allowing ourselves to be intimidated to do what both our heart and mind know is wrong tends to weaken our resolve to do what is right and can also impair our decision making. I am learning that the more I train this muscle and resist the urge to go against my conscience, the more this muscle grows, and it becomes an asset when I must make future decisions. 

As we deal with this integrity question, Andy Stanley in his book qoffers a simple but, in my view, an effective three-step process to follow.

Andy advises that we begin with admitting to ourselves that we are in an uncomfortable place. Usually, this is when we know for sure that the decision we want to make goes against what truth we know.

At this stage, all the lights in our life will be blinking red, convincing us to stop and avoid a crush. Doing this is what enables us to acknowledge any mistakes made and glean the lessons therein. In my view, it is this honest awareness and admission that often leads to an introspection which enables us to truly and deeply question our motives for the actions we may want to take. I believe doing this allows us to discover what may have brought us to that place in the first place.

The second step is to ask the integrity question, which simply is: “How honest am I being with myself?” This often leads to openness to have a heart-to-heart conversation.

When this is done in an authentic manner, we are then able to hear the still small voice that often guides us in the right direction. At this stage, Andy advises that we look ourselves in the eye and in front of a mirror call out our names like, “Rosette, are you really being honest with yourself?”

Asking this question leads to the third step, which is to get curious. Curiosity keeps us focused and allows us to see what we may be choosing not to see.

It allows us to gain insights of our narrow mindedness. Yes, this can be very uncomfortable, but it is often what brings us to the breakthrough we crave. It enables us to see the truth that brings about liberation instead of allowing deception with ourselves to hold us in self-imposed prisons.

I am learning that curiosity often leads us to take responsibility for our actions and answer the question will I be comfortable with this decision in the future?

If after this question we still feel uncomfortable with what we are about to do, then perhaps it is time to decide otherwise. 

In future as we face a decision that draws on our integrity, let us be able to do the mirror test and remember that sometimes, success in life will come when we can honestly say we followed our heart and are at peace with that decision irrespective of the consequences.  

Ms Rosette Wamambe is a transformational leadership coach with the Maxwell Certified Leadership Team, [email protected]