Writer: Dr David Mukunya. PHOTO/COURTESY
Last week, we looked at some of the traits that good mentors embody. This week, I want us to build on this as I share how some of my mentors have become like parents to me.
When I think of a great mentor, the Apostle Paul comes to mind. He mentored Timothy, who later went on to do great work for the Kingdom of God. One of the things that stood out for me as he was speaking to Timothy was, “For though ye have 10,000 instructors (teachers) in Christ yet have ye not many fathers....” 1Cor 4:15 KJV.
The Message version brings this out clearly: “There are a lot of people around who cannot wait to tell you what you have done wrong, but there are not many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up.” 1Cor 4:15 MSG
Reflecting on the relationship of Paul and Timothy makes me conclude that if we are going to be great mentors, we must move from mentorship to fatherhood. We must decide to give our all, and pour out everything, such that we can comfortably say, that we died empty, and we held nothing back. That is really what will develop the men and women we are mentoring into the champions we want them to be.
Today, I want to share seven attributes that I have seen in great mentors who embodied fatherhood.
First, good mentors give their mentees the freedom to fail. There have instances where although a mentor has suggested I take a particular route, my instincts have lead me to go a different direction. Sometimes my instincts have misdirected me and lead to failure. During such times, my mentors have been gracious. The warmest feeling has been the warmth of their palms as they stretched their hands to lift me, again and again. I believe that good mentors know that mentees have free will and they, therefore, grant them the freedom to fail. It is what makes them human. In addition, they avoid rubbing the failure in their face. Instead, they allow them to fail again because in failing often, the mentee matures faster. It is this maturity that leads to the birth of a child in the mentoring process.
Second, great mentors allow mentees to know that they believe in them. I have come across people who prefer not to express their emotions. However, in the uncertain world of navigating careers, where we all tend to deal with doubts and fears, nothing is as refreshing as the knowledge that someone more successful than us believes in our abilities. This faith is often the difference between giving up, and pushing on.
Great mentors also put their mentees in rooms they do not belong. They take them as they meet high-level clients or executives. In addition, they mention their names and allow them get opportunities that may have taken them longer to get.
The fourth trait of a great mentor is they stand up for the mentee in spaces they may not be present. I once overheard a conversation between my mentor and someone on the other side of the phone. My mentor (academic father) was convincing the person on the other call that I could do the task, the person on the other side was having none of it. I watched my mentor win the argument; what they did not know, was that the other person on the call was right, I had no idea what I was required to do. Watching this episode made me determine to do my best and not embarrass my academic father.
Fifth, good mentors promote and elevate the mentees brand. They help to blow their horns.
Great mentors allow their mentees to stand on their shoulders. They open up their contacts and capital to them. Sometimes this may require allowing them to work with some of their clients as they start off.
Finally, great mentors tend to stretch the mentees allowing them to break their perceived limits, expand their vision, and appreciate that there is more to life than what they see. They give them tasks above their capacity and tell them to do things that require them to learn new skills.
The author is a medical doctor and associate professor of Maternal and Child Health Epidemiology at Busitema University.
