Moving from communication to connection

Great communicators have observed that as we strive to connect with others, there are three fundamental questions we try to answer either consciously or subconsciously.

It does not matter whether we are leading people, speaking, offering advice, selling a product or service, a listener has these three questions that should be answered affirmatively during communication if we seek to connect at the human level.

They are: Do you care for me? Can you help me? Can I trust you? In the book Everyone Communicates Few Connect, John Maxwell reminds us that connection is always about others and he addresses the three questions above. One of the greatest hurdles we face when connecting with people, is the understanding that our focus must be on the other person. 

This requires an attitude of selflessness. And how do we do that? I believe it is by answering these three questions that people always ask themselves when interacting with others, whether as an employee, customer, guest, friend, a client, colleagues, you name it. If you are the communicator or the listener, our thoughts will loom with care, help, trust as fundamental points when connecting with people. 

Allow me to share a little bit of my experience when it comes to these three questions. With the level of awareness that I am developing and growing, as I lead a group of engineers, knowing that these are the questions people are asking themselves, it is imperative for me to be proactive when answering them to ensure that I not only communicate but also connect with those I lead as well as other leaders. 

As I continuously work to master this habit, I intentionally ensure that I address these questions in my communication. Side note, even as I write these articles, the same concept applies. 

Most of the time when interacting with employees, especially if I have not fully established a relationship to where we can answer the third question “can I trust you?” comfortably, I ensure that I am constantly working through to build and establish a connection. 

This is a constant challenge given the fact that we are dealing with people, and one cannot know on any given day what factors could be changing with people’s lives, so we cannot take any established connection for granted. Although mastering this habit may take a while, with consistence and practice it gets better.

Now, think about where you are, what you are doing, who you interact with. When you are communicating to connect with people in those interactions, ensure that you show them that you care for them, are able to help them, and show them that they can trust you. 

As mentioned above, it is a hurdle for us to think about others first. Thus, this is a great challenge and a good habit to establish in our lives daily. The starting point is by answering the first question, do you care for me? Take small steps and then progress from there. 

If we can intentionally and consciously think about the three questions when connecting with people, it will go from something we merely do to becoming part of who we really are.  

If this is who we become, we will be amazed at the opportunities that open because we are willing to connect with other people. It is about care, help, and trust. I believe in you. In virtue and wisdom lead the world.

Mr Jerome Emanzi is a transformational leader Coach with the Maxwell Certified Leadership Team. [email protected]