Prime
We must look beyond the law for social change to be meaningful
Emilly C. Maractho (PhD)
What you need to know:
- What one person finds totally gross; another will find tolerable...Socialisation does different things to all of us.
- While one woman has no problem being a fifth wife, another cannot stomach it.
Writing last week on the tired topic of sexual harassment in the work place, I saw some interesting reactions. There are those who think the women who fall victim often lack confidence, that is why they do not report in the first place. The usual blame on the women comes through in the comments because they have it in their power to say no. But there was also the part of blaming the relevant laws and their weak implementation.
Each case of socially unacceptable behaviour is different with many considerations by those involved. That is because what one person finds totally gross; another will find tolerable, even palatable. Socialisation does different things to all of us. While one woman has no problem being a fifth wife, another cannot stomach it. Do you make a law to protect the one who sees no problem with polygamy to protect them from being a fifth wife?
Social change is where the law is most limited. We hope that having a law on sexual harassment at work, ending teenage pregnancy, ending female genital mutilation, domestic violence, defilement, and homosexuality will fix things by being deterrent enough. The law, it is hoped, by punishing those who do not meet our collective social standards and values defined in them, will deter negative social norms. Still, we end up registering more and more cases.
Social change largely happens without the permission of the courts and in the presence of sometimes good or progressive laws. For the most part, we look to the law for help where negative social norms exist. But what if we looked elsewhere - within ourselves, in families?
I have just read Colleeen Hoover’s novel, ‘It Ends With Us.’ It is a guide on breaking cycles of abuse. Hoover tells the story of violence against women without the heaviness that is often associated with abuse. She is able to tackle the nature of abuse, why it persists and how breaking the cycle is often a personal decision, one that someone must feel empowered enough to make on their own.
Hoover is the author of 23 novels. But this one may be her most impactful novel. Hoover says she didn’t set out to write the book. She only wanted to step in her mothers’ shoes and explore that part of her life. She had no idea that the book would impact some people the way it has. She talks of how she sometimes gets inspiring emails and how readers have made her and her mother cry many times. The book is inspired by her mother’s first marriage and her courage to leave it, and marry the man who treated her the way she deserved.
The book has clearly touched many lives. Many people have witnessed or experienced some form of abuse. Many people have watched either their parents’ dysfunctional relationships, or if they escaped that, had the misfortune of watching their own or those of people close to them.
We rarely take the time to understand the nature of abuse without judgement. It is the kind of understanding we must offer people who end up in situations that disempower them. Being a victim of sexual abuse in the work place can disempower even the most brilliant employee.
Our generation has seen more women better educated, privileged by their education, and, therefore, in public spaces than any time in the history of women working. Yet, our generation is also burdened by various forms of work place bullying and abuse in marriage. Work place bullying is rarely reported because the balance of power does not often favour the victims.
One of the crucial takeaways of Hoovers’ novel is that we must each know our limits, ask ourselves how far we are willing to go, how much we are willing to sacrifice, and then be bold and brave in holding up these limits. That is a personal decision.
The law will not compel anyone to decide that they have had enough and must leave a bad relationship. They must first know their limit has been stretched beyond their truth.
Only then can the law help. Otherwise, so much suffering happens in silence while the laws collect dust wherever they are, and courts become dysfunctional to the core in delivering justice or preventing abuse. We must look beyond the law for social change to be meaningful.
Emilly Maractho (PhD) is the director of Africa Policy Centre and senior lecturer at Uganda Christian University. [email protected]
