Writer: Gawaya Tegulle. PHOTO/FILE
Hey, Bwana William Ruto, Hustler-in-chief, Mtukufu Rais wa Jamhuri ya Kenya! Mambo vipi, ndugu yangu! Just a little note from your fellow hustler here in Kampala.
You and “Baba” Raila Odinga, a short while ago, paid a visit to Mzee wa kazi, President Museveni in Uganda. What exactly were you up to? I thought you had come to compare notes with Mzee here and also learn a few tricks of the trade, now that you had settled properly in State House and your problems with your arch rival, Baba Raila, were over. Kumbe wapi!
From the look of things, you, my dear Hustler-in-chief, just like the Bourbon monarchy in France, learnt nothing and forgot nothing. You came here, just sipped millet porridge with the old man, discussed his cows and whatever Raila had up his sleeve, and then went back home, none the wiser!
Demonstrations break out and find you fresh from a visit in Uganda – and you handle them like you are presiding over a church! Hebu niulize: are you a pastor or a president? You are putting too much of God in this whole thing. Remember what Niccolo Machiavelli said in The Prince: “When the existence of the church is threatened, she is released from the rules of morality”.
People are demonstrating by the thousands all over Kenya for days on end and you are just there, looking on? These riff-raff, the so-called Gen Z, have the temerity to invade parliament and even eat food meant for the honourable members!
Does Kenya have an army or does it not? Do they have guns or do they not? If they don’t have, we shall understand. But if they do have guns, hebu niulize kama mjinga kabisa: what are those guns for? Hizo bunduki za nini? And who is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces? Ni wewe, or is it somebody else?
Ndugu yangu, this is not how African countries are run, please! Get serious! Hebu nikusimulie: for us here, in November 2020, some ill-advised Gen Z riff-raffs came out of their houses, to demonstrate against the arrest of the very popular Bobi Wine. The reaction was swift and summary: armed men came out and opened fire, killing both demonstrators and non-involved persons alike.
And what was done against them? Nothing!
So, you came to Uganda just to take lessons in cow-herding from Mzee Museveni? Come on! You could have gotten much better lessons from the Masai or Turkana in Kenya!
Let’s now compare notes on the death toll. After two weeks of protests, you have only 30 or so dead; killed under unclear circumstances. You are now going to spend millions of monies and years, trying to investigate what happened. Here, we had like 100 dead in just two days. We didn’t even bother with, sijui, post-mortem reports. Nothing of the sort was necessary.
There was even no investigation! I mean, what is there to investigate when people were killed in broad daylight, when the cameras were rolling and all the videos are available and the culprits are known?
The president whose citizens don’t want to drive out, is not a president. And the one they succeed in driving out...is not a man! The Jews coined this proverb in the context of the trials of a Rabbi; but it applies here too. So, it is not enough to be a president; you gotta be a man, Bwana Ruto!
Put these things of God aside – Mungu ndiye nani, when you have a seat to protect?
Shoot a few people properly; let people count bodies. Let hundreds disappear without a trace...and see how many will return to the streets.
Next, we shall hear in a few years that you are now going to retire, and you become rais mstaafu, with a quiet office in some Nairobi suburb. Or settle in Eldoret as a businessman. How foolish! Should a hustler be subject to rules written on pieces of paper, then put together and christened a “constitution”? Usiwe mjinga, ndugu yangu!
When Idi Amin went to Libya in February 1972 and visited Col Muammar Gaddafi, he learnt many things. Key among them is that he torpedoed his plans for elections and “returning to the barracks”. He subsequently declared himself “Life President”.
Lastly, Bwana Hustler; nauliza kimya-kimya...do you have a son? What is he planning? Asking, just for just!
Mr Gawaya Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of Ugand, [email protected]
