Careful, love bites

This proverb ‘Think twice before you act!’ was a no go zone for me when I met Isaac at Trudy’s Restaurant and Take-Away in Mbarara in 2013 for a simple breakfast. 

The guy was generally too good to be the father of my children. But how did we get here for this memorable breakfast?

That previous Sunday when I was in the studio for a radio programme, I missed a call. The number was new so I could not give it attention until I got done with my show. So after two hours, I called back. The gentleman received and told me that someone referred him to me as a journalist since he wanted a news reporter.

However, he said the activity was postponed to the next day- on a Monday - and would give me a call. As a newsroom policy, we used to share our news tips every day in our morning meetings so this was my tip of the day. I shared with my editor how I wanted to cover the training of farmers; and there I was waiting for the call from this news source. By 11am, he had not called so I took an initiative to call him for a follow up.

The activity did not take place, it was postponed still. But this did not stop the communication flowing between the ‘journalist and news source’. So on this very day at Trudy’s, we were meeting for the first time.

On that first meeting, Isaac told me he wanted a wife not a girlfriend. And the Mukiga in me could not hesitate to tell him that I am up for grabs. It looked like I was at a boiling point. I had gone through all the stages a parent would wish for their children. Study and graduate, get a job and earn money, lastly? Get married and give them grandchildren.

To be honest, I felt I was ready to settle no matter what. I didn’t think twice, I acted once and moved in. Five months into the relationship, I conceived. By then, he was staying in Kampala and I was in Mbarara. After realizing that I missed my periods, I gave him a call. ‘Isaac, it seems I am pregnant.’ ‘If you can’t swallow, then vomit it’ he responded. I didn’t understand whether this was jargon, an insult or a proverb from my husband-to-be. So I begged for his pardon. So he twisted it so that he is happy to have a child with the Westerners. And stubbornly I was quick to add that we have just started and we shall have nine children.

Isaac is from Kapchorwa. I conceived before knowing any of his relatives. In fact, all I knew was his phone number off-head, nothing beyond that.

At two months pregnant, I requested that we visit their home and he also visited mine. That was around July in 2013. He promised to handle all that in November during his leave. In November, he changed that we should first give birth. I started being suspicious, so I requested to visit him in Kampala to have a lengthy face-to-face discussion. He turned this request down on the excuse that he had been transferred to Soroti.

At this time, it’s me who needed him most so I offered to travel to Soroti. He was fine with it. The next day I boarded. By the time I reached Soroti, the phone had been switched off. It was at this point that reality struck me. Isaac had conned me of my love. He had robbed my future. He made me carry a bustard. He made me a misfit in society. This whole truth was hard to contain. It was strange but true.

The transfer had not been done as he alleged. I left him in Kampala, slaying as I traveled to Soroti. He did not spare my hard earned transport. Death was overwhelming me from within; the world had turned against me and it was me and the unborn child! He went mute and disappeared.

I got to terms with the fact that I am a single mother; picked up my broken pieces and I started a new chapter. It’s now nine years and guess who is back to claim us? With all apologies that he did not know what had come over him? Really?

I am now thinking twice before I act. He is the father to my only child and no one will replace this bond. Regardless of his absence in my son’s life, the son loves his father to the moon and back. In most cases children cry calling their mummy, mine used to cry calling daddy.

But this experience taught me a good lesson. Ladies, think twice, actually thrice with a sixth sense before you act. I promised myself never to act stupid again. Society will not dictate who I should be. There are conditions we agreed for us to be back together. If they are met, then why not finish my race - wife not a girlfriend.

Tuesday  was  Valentine’s Day, think twice before you act. Lady, it may turn out to be strange but true.

Name with-held