Everyday is Valentine’s Day

Today, we are with no doubt going to hear two stories at the extremes of ecstasy and agony in the name of celebrating love or Valentine’s Day. 
Without necessarily sounding pessimistic, I want to agree with Arthur Schopenhauer - a German Philosopher - who opined that romantic love is the greatest force in human life.  He emphasized that it is strong enough to drive many people to death, and more to asylum. 

 We grew up witnessing how proud a husband was of his wife and vice versa. At Our Lady of Sorrows Cathedral - Kitovu, I used to see and admire couples sharing seats and driving or walking hand in hand to and from church. This is what largely inspired us to engage in the childhood game dubbed; “Taata ne Maama” where we wholesomely played while imitating to showcase the characters of father and mother, cooking etc. 

It was also during such a time that political contestants shared the same campaign platform. For the Nyendo-Ssenyange Division race which I followed closely, all the three contestants showed up with their beautiful spouses at almost every political rally. They kept on supporting their spouses by clapping intermittently and smiling. To me this implied that leadership begins at home. 

Recently, I am startled that when you go deep into relationships, the two sides of life categorically come out. The love these days is largely to appease the public. Actually in most cases, couples will ask - how will the public perceive this or that? Ideally, this maintains a stable but unhappy relationship together in the guise of love. 

 In my Religious Education classes, I learnt how African Traditional Society moved away from the realm of folktale and legend to start off a relationship through various traditions of “courtship”. This was a trial moment of testing one’s personality and character to ascertain whether they are ready for marriage. 

This led to arrangements towards formalizing marriage and marking the joining of two lineages and bloodlines. It was preceded by payment of the bride price which was determined by the woman’s side based on; the woman’s height, level of education and family background. This act has been challenged by some individuals but it’s a discussion for another day.
That was a public function witnessed by the community and there were sound reasons to that effect. A lot has changed overtime. These days, partners are briefly met and tested from bars or restaurants. This is why most relationships are informed by monetary terms. They can’t be sustained during tumultuous days.   We don’t invest a lot in knowing who our partners are and their backgrounds. 

 This is why every year, 14th February marks an end and beginning of  love lives. Apparently, unstudied incompatibilities, infidelity and financial issues lead to breakups. If I haven’t communicated to my partner or received rose flowers on Valentines Day, I will terminate an old and emotionally enter a new relationship. It is a day to confirm whether love is really genuine. 

Loved ones want to exchange red roses and pleasantries but also spend the day together. You can’t be with multiple partners. And to those struggling, it’s financially constraining to spend on bouquets on a single day. This is where a needy or depressed person is misconstrued for an intimate partner leading to unwanted sex! 
Intimate relationships are really good and contribute to; mental health, wealth, and longevity albeit with challenges. But all in all, they require commitment, trust, physiological calmness and balancing of positives and negatives. That commitment leads to loyalty while betrayal occasions dissolution.

  The Bible says love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. There are daily challenges in romantic relationships. 
In relationships, it is always hard to remove a plank in our eyes before thinking of the specks from our partner’s. Now that Valentine’s Day is here, I highly suspect the public display will not largely come from married couples, but those showing off. 

There is an African adage that a cat which dreams of becoming a lion should start by losing its appetite for rats. Intimately, we must forgo certain practices in order to enjoy this day. The best way is by understanding your partner and legitimizing your relationship in whichever way. And then start celebrating love everyday, yes - I mean daily and not on February 14th.
 
 Lastly, there is no blueprint for loving one another. Love your partner uniquely and within your means. The culture of struggling to copy what others do yet we can’t afford to force someone to stealthily offer a wreath instead of roses on Valentines. If you find out something today, forgive, forget or forego. 
          Authored by Elvis Kintu Nsonyi,          [email protected]