Maintaining close family ties

They are organised mainly to give children a chance to learn and know more about each other and their immediate family members. Some families organise such meet-ups every school holiday, or once a year. The gatherings can either be at home, or outside a home set-up.

During this time, children don’t only share a meal, they talk about their passions, likes and dislikes/ challenges, play games, and have a good time together. And usually, there is an adult(s) chipping in and telling these kids stories of their origins. This in turn strengthens bonds, relationships, and identity. They help the children understand who they are, and also promote stability, which are very key for every child’s development.

 But it also helps the children not to fall into the trap of loneliness. New studies have found that Generation-Z (those aged 16-24 years) are the loneliest and depressed people compared to other generations. They are perceived as being familiar with the use of digital technology, the internet, and social media from a very young age.

 When not at school, most of them, especially those in urban areas, spend a lot of time on their phones scrolling through social media sites (TikTok, YouTube, Snapchat and Instagram). They hardly have time to interact with other family members, who are also probably tired after a long day at work, and have no time to talk to these chaps.

‘Modernity’ technology, individualism, and ‘our busy work schedules have left some children feeling alone, and depressed, and yet the world is more universally connected than ever before.

 For a person who has been here for a few decades, one of the many things I have learned to appreciate about the African culture the older I get, is the close ties among families, both nuclear and extended, some of us enjoyed back then.

 Growing up in a small village (Kakukuru) in Ntungamo District, there was never a dull day at home. There were always children to play with, and adults to talk with.

Apart from children from different relatives my grandparents were looking after, we always had relatives visiting. They came bearing gifts but also had interesting traditional stories to tell, and I was always eager to listen. And when it was my grandparents’ turn to visit other relatives, I would accompany them, and get to know about other relatives from our extended families. The bonding, safety, care, and love that came with the extended families was solid and provided one with a great sense of pride and belonging.

The older generations, those in their 50s and above, probably know what I am talking about. But the younger generations are losing touch with such beautiful strong family bonds.

 That reminds me. Recently, I phoned my aunt asking her how her father (my grandfather’s only surviving sibling) was faring after being admitted in the hospital.

In the conversation, she excitedly told me about my paternal aunt’s son (first cousin) who had just visited her, and asked if I knew him, and I said no.  Oh! She wasn’t impressed with my response. She was concerned that us younger ones were losing touch with one another. So, she promised to find ways of helping us reconnect and stay in touch.

The beauty of growing up in an extended family structure is something younger generations may never experience. But we can find creative ways that match the current times, and family get-togethers/reunions are such avenues. When our children enjoy such events, they will do the same when they grow up and have their own children.

Our children need to disconnect from social media, and have face-to-face connections with their other family members more often. Christmas holidays used to be such an opportunity for family bonding, but many families no longer meet for Christmas any more.

We shouldn’t let modernity completely take away the things we once held dear to us. Let us find ways of keeping our strong family bonds alive. It is a known fact world over that throughout Africa, extended families were a treasure. Family gives us a sense of security, family identity, and belonging.

Vivian Agaba,  journalist and communications specialist.