Prime
‘I am worth more than 150 bags of cement’
Allen Namale with husband Ibrahim Sseggane.
What you need to know:
Allen Namale received plenty of backlash on social media when her husband showed up for their introduction ceremony with 150 bags of cement as her father’s mutwalo. However, she says, to her husband, she is priceless.
I had just graduated from university when I met my fiancé, Ibrahim Sseggane. At that time, we had no money to have the kind of wedding that we wished for. A few years later, we settled for a simple visitation commonly known as Kukyaala to let my parents know that I was in the right hands.
We hoped that in future, we would be able to organise a wedding that would make us and our parents proud. Ten years later, after working together to change our lives, we decided to organise a traditional marriage ceremony (kwanjula) and also legalise our wedding in a Muslim ceremony called Nicah.
At first, we did not ask for any financial support and kept the impending ceremony a secret. However, after telling our family and friends about it, many started contributing financially and emotionally.
Then, my husband asked me what my father would wish to get as bride price (Mutwalo). I, of course, asked my father about this and he told me all he wanted was a Bible.
Being a Muslim, my husband was hesitant to commit to my father’s request, and instead told me he would find another befitting gift. I tried to stop him from committing to something that would cost a lot of money and he brushed it off, demanding I let him do what he thought was best.
Because he unconditionally refused to buy a Bible, I bought one and gave it to someone in his entourage so that it would secretly be added to my father’s gifts.
Cement for bride price
As events unravelled on D-day, when it was time to bring the various gifts he had brought for my family, I was shocked when I saw the first bag of cement being carried among the gifts.
I waited for an explanation from the spokesperson, who kept accompanying a story to every gift but nothing was mentioned. My mouth literally stayed open when bag after bag was presented and at some point, I lost count.
Later, a friend of his told me he had settled for 150 bags of cement after learning that my father was constructing an arcade. When I asked why he had bought so many bags, my husband said I was worth much more than that.
“When we met, all I had was you, you have supported me and helped me become who I am today. That is why I decided to appreciate your parents for bringing you into this world for me,” he said.
When I thought that was all, he also gave me a land title worth Shs75m, together with an agreement and signed transfer forms. This, I thought, was a really thoughtful gift since it had been my dream to own land.
Patience, hope
Our life has been defined by challenges but resilience and patience has always proved to be the best remedy for our relationship.
In the 10 years we have been together, we have faced a number of challenges but by working and being there for each other, we have succeeded. Most painful was the inability to have a child but later, God answered this prayer and we are now proud parents.
Because we started dating when we were both young, our troubles were basically self-inflicted because we would often lose focus and try to neglect the commitment we had made to each other. For example, we both had many suitors and this caused a lot of arguments.
During such times, we relied on our parents and elders, who would often call us to order. I would threaten to leave and he would threaten to quit as well, but we would resolve our issues, especially after talking to those who had gone through such challenges.
The most important thing is that we had shared dreams and supported each other to achieve our goals. We longed to have a thriving business, rentals and a home and together, we have achieved all.
Bride price is not the issue
When pictures of my ceremony leaked on social media, there were mixed reactions from people and I was saddened by how they interpreted the gifts given to my parents.
‘Extortion’, ‘too much’, ‘she deserves it’, among other comments were made but few define my opinion about marriage and bride price.
I believe bride price is a matter of choice and no parent should subject a son-in-law to hefty bride price. I would actually allow my child to marry a person of their choice without asking for bride price.
Basically, anyone has their opinion but bride price should be an agreement between two persons. However, the man should be given an opportunity to decide what they think is right and whatever they bring must be appreciated.
Advice to couples
Love is a complicated journey that calls for constant reflection and supporting each other’s dreams. Couples must understand that we are all human beings who make mistakes but when we do, reconciliation is key.
