Brian Wandera and Agnes Namuwenge
The foundation of Brian Wandera and Agnes Namuwenge’s relationship was not traditional courtship. Instead, it was a shared history. Their friendship started in childhood and at a church in Bugema, Mbale City.
“We were both members of Revival Tabernacle Church. In 2012, I completed my diploma in accounting at Uganda College of Commerce in Tororo while Brian was still pursuing his Bachelor’s degree in Engineering at Makerere University in Kampala. After graduating, I secured a job at Ham Suites in Kampala and since it was near Makerere University, he would often check on me,” Agnes recalls.
Brian and Agnes did not envision that their friendship would blossom into a lifelong partnership. Even their families saw them merely as friends. This was not until 2015 when Brian expressed his interest in marrying Agnes.
Because Agnes thought Brian was joking, this caused conflict and the two stopped communicating for a while because she did not appreciate such jokes. She valued their friendship and did not want a romantic relationship to complicate it, preferring to remain supportive friends.
“I moved on but we remained friends. Since I had a job, I would invite him out for chips and chicken in Wandegeya and he was careful not to cross any boundaries,” Agnes says.
Agnes joined the Mbale Stanbic Bank branch as a direct sales agent in 2017 where she worked for less than a year. During this time, she deepened her faith and learnt a great deal about prayer.
“With my parents separated, I prayed to God for a responsible spouse to protect my children from experiencing the same pain,” she says.
Beyond friendship
In 2017, Brian’s mentor and best man, Milton Ndahura, became a shoulder to lean on during an unstable relationship. He held Brian accountable, urging him to focus on the essentials in a partner and not waste time.
When Brian visited Agnes’ home in December 2017, he again expressed his desire to marry her, prompting Agnes to consider the proposal.
In January 2018, Brian, who had completed university and was now employed invited Agnes to join him in Kampala and offered to support her start a business, since she was now unemployed.
During Agnes’ birthday dinner on January 16, 2018, Brian asked Agnes why she was hesitant to marry him and begin a life together. At the time, Agnes, who was single, agreed to move in with Brian, and they began living together.
“Agnes ticked all the boxes for me, including speaking my local language, Lugisu, which was important for our children to learn. She was also intelligent and organised; she would always clean my room whenever she visited,” Brian explains, adding that Agnes is prayerful and confident, qualities he looked for in a spouse.
“Sometimes I forget to pray, but my wife never goes to bed without praying. She is someone I can hold a constructive conversation with, and she is not timid about saying no when necessary,” says Brian.
Similarly, Agnes observed many positive traits in Brian, giving her confidence in their future together.
“I never saw him do things that irritate me such as smoking or partying excessively, which I appreciated because it showed his maturity and focus. He was not involved in any scandals with women either. In all the times I visited him, no other women ever visited him and there were no conflicts involving women,” she recalls.
The vows
Even though Brian did not have enough money, they held their introduction and wedding ceremonies successfully on June 30, 2018 and July 7, 2018 respectively.
“It was a memorable day. My brothers were happy to see me marry someone they knew well. My mother was overjoyed, repeating how wonderful it was that I was marrying someone I had grown up with and been friends with,” Agnes shares.
To reduce costs, they bargained with service providers, including the catering group, and utilised services offered by the hotel. For instance, by paying for the dinner setup, they avoided additional fees for the venue and drinks. The hotel also organised the venue and put in extra effort knowing it was a wedding. The total cost of both ceremonies was a respectable Shs15m.
Navigating marriage
The couple, who are blessed with three children, emphasise the importance of walking a journey of faith alongside a community in marriage.
The couple prays from the University Community Fellowship (UCF). Here, they are part of Cleaver’s cell, a couples’ group which has been instrumental in ensuring their growth in love and respect for each other.
“Marriage is filled with emotions, ups and downs, but having supportive friends is crucial. They help us see our vision clearly, especially during challenging times such as pregnancy. Friends share their experiences, telling us what to expect and reassuring us when things get overwhelming,” Agnes explains.
She adds that the group helped her learn to treasure moments with her husband, unlike before when she would get annoyed if he came home late.
“I learnt that sometimes, men are extending the hours to do a particular thing which could be beneficial to the family. Meeting with fellow men is also okay since some opportunities are hatched in those spaces,” Agnes says.
Brian and Agnes have been a strong support system for each other, understanding one another through difficult times and emerging resilient. Brian, a construction consultant reflects on their lowest moment in 2020 when his work came to a standstill for seven months and he was unable to provide for his family. This prompted him to send his wife to her village in Mbale.
“Life became extremely hard in November 2020 to the point that we could not pay rent. I also went back to my family home until February 2021 when we travelled back to Kampala,” Brian shares.
Agnes is appreciative of having two sons and a daughter as well as a husband who not only loves his family but also takes care of them.
“For my son to have a brother is something important because he will grow up with someone to confide in. In this era, where men abandon their families, I am thankful to God for blessing me with a responsible and friendly husband,” she says.
Takeaway
The couple believes that a good partner comes from God; “That is why the Bible says the Lord sees their hearts because the most beautiful thing anyone can ever have is a good heart,” Agnes says.
‘‘Pray for your partner even before you meet them. It is better to miss marriage than to end up in a bad lifelong commitment,’’ Brian says, further emphasising the importance of seeking a friend when considering marriage, getting to know their family background, and learning from other married couples.
