Can I find true love after 50?

I am 50 and searching for love. The problem is, when the public sees a 50-year-old they despise them and call them weird saying at 50 one must be already done with matters of love/sex. And then some men come claiming they need love but in exchange for your support saying we are already past the age of being given support and only need to be given a good time. Are there men out there who can love a 50-year-old? 

Mary

Dear Mary,

Finding love at 50 may feel like a challenge, but it can be deeply rewarding, especially if you find the right person. You may have heard about the old saying that age is just a number. The interpretation of self here matters. For example, if you feel old then you will truly appear old and if you feel young regardless of your age, then you will feel, act and look young.

 You may have had past relationships, or gone through a divorce, and now you are wondering what is ahead. There are still opportunities to start afresh, try new things, and find love along the way. Learn how the right frame of mind about love at 50 can help you to navigate dating in the modern world and find a more meaningful connection.

The other key thing is to have a goal for the relationship. Is it about companionship? Having a clear goal will enable you to move in the direction where you think you will meet the right person who might share similar thoughts.

It is also true that finding a genuine person might take some time. Therefore, if you show that you are desperate, you will attract opportunists who might want a relationship just for selfish reasons as you mentioned above.

At this age, self-awareness, maturity, vulnerability, authenticity, and appreciation for every day are an ingredient that can enable you to thrive in love. Get in touch with yourself and write down or think about what you need in a relationship, the more realistic you are, the better. When you are in charge of yourself and have got good reasons to find love, even at 50, you will be able to identify red flags in some of the contenders that you meet.

Be more strategic and forget expectations except for living for today as this will reduce the stress that otherwise comes with newer relationships due to high expectations. The men are surely there and I am sure some are also struggling to find a stable relationship. Keep the faith. It all starts with self. Self-love, self-care. True confidence is everything when you are trying to find love at an advanced age. This enables you to be open-minded and be able to tell if you are heading in the right direction or not after all you have learnt from experience.

Build a relationship with yourself. The relationship we have with ourselves is the key to the success for all the relationships we build with others. When you are happy and fulfilled, independent of others, you are most attractive to the kind of healthy, happy people you want in your life.

If you are dating for the first time in a long time, do not be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve. It is the only way people will know what you want and what you are about.

Also, if falling in love again after a certain age is something that overly concerns you, you should try talking to people who have already done it. Perhaps you have a friend who was single but has recently become a husband in middle-age? It could be the case that they just did not meet the right person when they were younger and are now ready to embark on a long-term partnership with someone.

Just because you have reached a certain aspect of maturity does not mean you are going to be making any waves when you get out into the dating world. You have a lot less to lose than people much younger than you, so you will be relaxed and comfortable with meeting new partners.

People who are in their 20s or 30s have all sorts of anxieties to deal with, whether they are fretting about college studies, or tracking down a job that suits their abilities. They are yet to embark on starting families and might have genuine worries about the future.

Reader advice

Love yourself

John Mukisa. Be comfortable in who you are. You know that there is a man out there who will adore your quirks, your body, and your personality. Do not stress over a few gray hairs or wrinkles; if he is that superficial, then he is not for you. A man who is also in his 50s should equally be looking for a partner based on a deeper connection, not superficial looks.

Put in the work

Jane Nambi. Get out of your comfort zone. Realise that the likelihood of Mr Right knocking on your door is pretty low, so it is going to require some effort on your part. It might start with you creating an online dating profile on a site or two. You might sign up for a dance class or attend a business workshop. The benefit of these last two ideas is that not only do you increase the odds of meeting men, but you also enhance your own life and learn something.

Talk to a therapist

Joyce Musoke. Learn from your past. Learn from the mistakes you have made in the past so that you do not make them again. Maybe you have had trouble trusting men due to some traumatic experience. You might want to talk through these issues with a therapist to ensure that you are healed and ready for your next relationship.

Have an open mind

Gene woods. When you go out with a man, be open to where it takes you. At the very least, you have a conversation partner and dinner. Or maybe a hilarious horror story to laugh about with your girlfriends later. Maybe it will turn into the love story you are hoping for, but you cannot control the outcome, so let go and have fun.

Act like its the first date

Gerald Matovu. Even if you are on the eighth disappointing date in a row, act like it is the first date you have been on so you have a fresh and positive state of mind. Having a positive attitude can be incredibly attractive to men and it is great for your overall life outlook.

There is no limit

Willingtony Mambo Mukisa. Love has no limit and age is just a number. You may be 50 but perfect as a wife. So, try your luck.

Let your guard down

April Naggayi. Being in love is a beautiful feeling that everyone has a right to experience. Here, your age does not matter at all. I am sure that there are men out there looking for someone just like you. So, please let your guard down and start dating.

Get out of your house

Drek Muntu. If you stay at home, the odds that you will meet someone reduce. As soon as you leave your house, and especially if you leave to go do activities you enjoy, your odds of bumping into someone with similar interests go up.  If you continue feeling insecure and hide away from the world, then you will probably not find anyone.

Evelyn is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation